


Gay Swimmers Club

by wodniw_a



Category: Free!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Everyone Is Gay, Group chat, I don't know what I'm doing, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-01-05 19:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18372878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wodniw_a/pseuds/wodniw_a
Summary: Sharkboy invited Lavagirl, praise the water gods and 7 others to the chatroom "gay swimmers club"Sharkboy: whatsup losersAizen: whats up fuckersMomo arigato mr otterbato: why do you have my phoneSharkboy: cuz fuck you that's why





	1. let's get this bread, swimmers!

_Sharkboy invited Lavagirl, praise the water gods and 7 others to the chatroom "gay swimmers club"_

**Sharkboy** : whatsup losers

**Aizen** : whats up fuckers

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : why do you have my phone

**Sharkboy** : cuz fuck you that's why

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Alright! we know you nerds watch vines now what's with these names??

**Sharkboy** : I chose (most) of them based on ur shitty personalities.

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : ya!!!! i made my own :))))))

**praise the water gods** : nagisa what the fuck

**Lavagirl** : Why am I Lavagirl?? Shouldn't it be Gou or something?

**Sharkboy** : cuz I'm like, 50% sure sharkboy and lavagirl are dating

**Aizen** : Just 50??

**Sharkboy** : yes

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : me @ Sousuke's name: *Bleach flashbacks*

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : FUCK YOU AIZEN!!!!!!! Hinamori deserved better o(ㄒoㄒ)o

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Rangiku deserved better!

**Sharkboy** : ok keep ur weeb convos to pm

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : keep ur sexual frustrations to the dorms please

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : RINS BEEN PUT IN HIS PLACE!!!!!!

**shsl hope** : omg yall calm down please

**♡ Gou-kun** : Makoto, why is your name shsl hope and not shsl swimmer?

**shsl hope** : the shsl swimmer is Haru :) and me and the shsl hope share a name

**Reinbows and gayness** : The shsl hope and I.

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : He arises!!!!!!

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : Only to correct grammar tho :((( BOOOOORING!!!!!

**praise the water gods** : rei ur bf is slamming on ur smartness

**Reinbows and gayness** : He's not my boyfriend!

**Sharkboy** : He might as well be, judging by the way you look at each other

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : Rei!!! Date me!!!

**Reinbows and gayness** : No!

**Aizen** : r e j e c t e d

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : rip nagisa 2k18

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : "Rei!!! Date me!!!"  
"No!"

**praise the water gods** : press f to pay respects

**Aizen** : f

**Sharkboy** : f

**shsl hope** : f

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : f

**Lavagirl** : f

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : f

**♡ Gou-kun** : F

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : Hhhhhhhhaaaruuuuuuuuuu why!!!!!!!!! youre sp meannnnnnnnnn!!!!! ;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : Ill find a way to get Rei chan to date me!!!!!!

**Aizen** : could you use uhhhhh any more fuckin exclamation marks

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : You go, Nagisa!!! I'll be cheering you on uwu

**Sharkboy** : im disowning you

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : wait why

**Sharkboy** : you said The Forbidden Word

**Sharkboy** : so now you must pay the fine or pay with your life, criminal scum

**Reinbows and gayness** : Nagisa why do you want to date me so bad!?

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : bITCH

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : because ily :'((((((((

**Sharkboy** : OH YEAH? ILL TAKE YOUR SWITCH AND B R E A K IT

**Reinbows and gayness** : h

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : you wouldn't dare

**Sharkboy** : try me

**shsl hope** : Rin, Kou stop fighting >:///

**Lavagirl** : ummm nagisa I think you broke Rei

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : what's going on there's so many convos happening at once

**Aizen** : everything

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : wwhat

**Aizen** : Everything

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : sorry momkoto :<

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : But seriously rin, don't you dare break my switch

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : I'm doing the fast travel run rn and I'm not gonna lose all my progress because you're a petty bicth >:0

**praise the water gods** : how's that going

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : It's haaaard!!! Takes forever to get to places n I'm only halfway through the game TT

**♡ Gou-kun** : Haha

**♡ Gou-kun** : That's what she said

**shsl hope** : Kou is a girl after all!

**Aizen** : oh man

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : he's pure and innocent just like a true mom :"")

**shsl hope** : I am not!

**praise the water gods** : oh yeah well then how are babies made

**shsl hope** : Haru we were in the same sex ed class

**praise the water gods** : so

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : you were, huh? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**shsl hope** : I don't like what that face insinuates >:|

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : what does that word even mean???

**Reinbows and gayness** : Insinuate means to suggest or hint

**Sharkboy** : He's alive!?!?

**Lavagirl** : He's alive!!!

**♡ Gou-kun** : Wait does that mean I have to call off the funeral?

**Aizen** : damn. and i even managed to get kisumi to be that guy who reads the bible during a funeral

**Reinbows and gayness** : That's a priest. Priests only read at Catholic funerals and only 0.5 percent of people in Japan are Catholic. Which, none of us are.

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ok we get it your smart

**shsl hope** : On a more serious note, why did you suddenly disappear?

**Reinbows and gayness** : no reason

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : omg he didn't use caps who are you what did you do with the real Rei ryuugaxaki

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : ALIENS!!!!!! HES AN ALIEN!!!!

**praise the water gods** : nagisa is back too

**Reinbows and gayness** : Aliens don't exist, Nagisa

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : They do!!! I disappeared too because I was getting PROBED any one!!

**Sharkboy** : was the alien hot

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : yeah it kinda was lol

**Sharkboy** : sick i feel like fucking an alien now

**Aizen** : Nagisa,,,,,,, you said Rei was an alien.... But then said that you had gotten probed by one...,... so that means....

**shsl hope** : STOP WE'RE ALL MINORS

**Aizen** : Rei is in cahoots with the aliens and he's a spy sent to earth to gather intel on our world and the human race so that they can understand us better and figure out the best way to wipe us out and get rid of earth, since we're polluting and destroying it and they're trying to save the universe from this miserable planet by using their acquired knowledge to build a nuke big enough to kill us all all because of traitor Rei and his suspiciously intelligent mind, who probably already knows how to create a small-scale nuke and just needs to hack into the United States of America's governmental classified nuke war files and read on how to build a bigger and better rocket to bomb earth into oblivion, thus wiping out the toxic human race and its sinful, destructive tendency and saving the galaxy from being completely ruined by mankind's harmful ways

**Lavagirl** : I have one word

**Lavagirl** : wtf

**Aizen** : that's three

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : how did you write that in like, 20 seconds??

**Aizen** : My shoulder may be fucked but my fingers still work perfectly

**♡ Gou-kun** : That's what she said

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : bro im gonna kick your ass if you don't stfu

**♡ Gou-kun** : I'd like to see you try, twink

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : hey >:0 Nitori is the true twink here!!

**Lavagirl** : HEY

**Sharkboy** : :/

**Lavagirl** : i mean it's true but he shouldn't say it

**Lavagirl** : but still, HEY

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : you just gotta accept your fate, nitori.... únù

**Sharkboy** : that is an ugly face

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : you're an ugly face!!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : :OOOO Rin just got buuuurned!!

**Aizen** : quick pour water on him !

**praise the water gods** : no

**Aizen** : ok

**Sharkboy** : Fuck you haru

**praise the water gods** : no

**Lavagirl** : Rin are you cheating on me!!!???!?

**Sharkboy** : i-it's not what you think!!

**Lavagirl** : I WONT HESITATE BITCH

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : YES WE ALL KNOW YOURE STILL NOT OVER IT, SHUT UP NOW

**Aizen** : rip vine for ever in our hearts

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : It's been dead for awhile now :/

**Reinbows and gayness** : I must admit, I was sad to see it go, too.

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : UUuuUuUUUgGgGGGHghhHhhh even rei???

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : vine was so much fun but now it's gone!!!! ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

**shsl hope** : Nagisa I'm literally begging you to change your name

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : NO!!!

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : beg harder, peasant!!!

**praise the water gods** : change it

**XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o** : fine >:(((

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Haru is the nagisa whisperer!!

_XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o changed their name to When I glo up I'll be taller than all you bitches_

**When I glo up I'll be taller than all you bitches** : how's this???

**♡ Gou-kun** : I can't tell if that's worse or better

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : you change your name too, seijuurou!!

**♡ Gou-kun** : First name huh... Guess I'll have to

**shsl hope** : Nagisa I meant to a normal name!

**When I glo up I'll be taller than all you bitches** : You're so needy!!! nothing will ever satisfy you >n<

_♡ Gou-kun changed their name to Kirishima SEijirou_

_When I glo up I'll be taller than all you bitches changed their name to Trap_

**shsl hope** : There!! That was easy, wasn't it?

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : you're not actually a trap, right?

**Trap** : uwu

**Sharkboy** : Mikoshiba I hate your username

**Sharkboy** : yours too, Nagisa

**Trap** : well I didn't ask for your opinion!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Savage Nagisa :O

**Lavagirl** : Thugisa!

**Aizen** : THUGISA

**Reinbows and gayness** : Oh god no

**praise the water gods** : oh god yes

**Trap** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Kirishima SEijirou** : That's what she said

**Reinbows and gayness** : PUT THAT FACE BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME GOD

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : came

**shsl hope** : I hate this group chat

**praise the water gods** : the water gods say you have to stay

**shsl hope** : The water gods don't exist!

**praise the water gods** : the water gods say you must be executed

**praise the water gods** : goodbye makoto

**Aizen** : They're finally putting you out of your misery. Like Rei's alien friends to this earth

**Reinbows and gayness** : I'm not an alien and I'm not friends with any aliens! And aliens are not going to destroy earth.

**Aizen** : That's what an ALIEN would say.

**Trap** : rei chan.... you might as well give it up....

**Trap** : they found you out....just tell them the truth

**Reinbows and gayness** : FOR THE LAST TIME! I'm not an alien!

_Trap changed Reinbows and gayness's name to Reilien_

**Reilien** : NAGISA KUN

**Trap** : TELL THEM THE TRUTH, REI CHAN!!!

**Lavagirl** : the truth....? Ryuugazaki kun...... What are you hiding from us...?

**Reilien** : .........

**Reilien** : well..... you see,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever to format.
> 
> The nicknames should be obvious but if you don't know them here's the list  
> Makoto: shsl hope  
> Haru: praise the water gods  
> Nagisa: XxKawaii-_-ShotaxX_o(〃＾▽＾〃)o > Trap  
> Rei: Reinbows and gayness > Reilien  
> Gou: IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER  
> Rin: Sharkboy  
> Nitori: Lavagirl  
> Momotarou: Momo arigato mr otterbato  
> Seijuurou: ♡ Gou-kun > Kirishima SEijirou  
> Sousuke: Aizen


	2. free iwatobi prank channel

**Reilien** : .........

**Reilien** : well..... you see,

**Reilien** : I'm not actually Rei Ryuugazaki.

**Reilien** : I guess I can't hide it got any longer..... I'm a government-created ai made in a secret, classified laboratory underneath the White House in America. They created me to be the perfect yet imperfect anime boy, beautiful yet with some flaws. I was created to keep certain nine individuals from finding out the truth of an up and coming alien invasion that is supposed to happen April 27th, 2019. To stop them from finding out, I was supposed to discreetly redirect the conservation whenever aliens were brought up or eliminate one of the individuals via kidnapping and then leave them at the American government's disposal if they ever find out. I do not know what will happen to them. But, as you can tell, my mission failed and I was unable to uphold my secret identity and now I've told you all about the soon-to-be happening alien invasion, which will take place April 27th, 2019 and will destroy the entire world and its inhabitants. So, now, I must eliminate all evidence of this conversation and report to the government that the nine individuals have found out about the plan. I will see to that you all are now retrieved and brought to the White House for interrogation and memory wiping. Thank you for your cooperation and please stay where you are so I can safely transport you to the government's airships at an undisclosed location that will take you to America. Goodbye.

_Reilien has logged off_

**Sharkboy** : EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : wait is this real

**shsl hope** : Rei!?? What??

_praise the water gods has logged off_

**shsl hope** : HARU!?!?!?

**Trap** : He's gonna kill us one by one!!~

**Aizen** : finally

**Kirishima SEijirou** : IF REI GRTS NEAR ME IM GONNA FIGHT HIM

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : butterfly man is gonna stand no chance against my brother!!!

**Trap** : kyaaa!! Mikoshiba save ussss!!!

_IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER has logged off_

**Sharkboy** : Kou!??!!?

**Aizen** : rei take me next

**Sharkboy** : YU BUTTERFLY BITCH

**shsl hope** : Everyone stay calm!!!

**Trap** : aaAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAÄAAAA!!!!!!!

**Aizen** : take me next pls

**shsl hope** : Sousuke??? No!

**Aizen** : sousuke yes

**Lavagirl** : G

**Lavagirl** : HjjgjHJRt

_Lavagirl has logged off_

**Sharkboy** : Aiichirou!!!?!?Wtf!! Is going!!!! ON!??!!?!???

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Rin...... If I die,,..... I just wanted to let you know that that beetle you slapped with a magazine yesterday was mine....

**Sharkboy** : wait fuck really?

**Sharkboy** : I'm sorry about that

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : don't worry, i managed to save him!!

**shsl hope** : NOWS NOT THE TIME, GUYS

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : its always time to talk about beetles!!

**Sharkboy** : Can agree. Beetles are gross but everyone is currently dying so it's a good way to distract us I guess

_Trap has logged off_

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Aw man

**Kirishima SEijirou** : He got Nagisa too....

**Kirishima SEijirou** : His own bo

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : BRO!?!? SEIJUUROU!?!!!!!?!? ARE TOU ALRIGHT??

**Aizen** : he's gone, he's gonna go offline too

_Kirishima SEijirou has logged off_

**Aizen** : yupp

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : BRO!!!!!!

**Sharkboy** : Let him go, Momo. He's gone.

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : I NEVER GOT TO APOLOGISE FOR EXPLODING ALL THOSE AXE BOMBS IN HIS ROOM

**Sharkboy** : ok yeah that's a pretty heinous crime you should really apologise for that

**Sharkboy** : especially if you've done it more then once

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : i will :'( I wont leave his soul unrestful!!

**Sharkboy** : wait

**Sharkboy** : shit

**shsl hope** : Rin?

_Sharkboy has logged off_

**Aizen** : well, rip

**shsl hope** : Ok who's left??

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ME!!!

**Aizen** : not me

**shsl hope** : Just us three?

**Aizen** : no

**shsl hope** : What?

**shsl hope** : wait

_Aizen has logged off_

**shsl hope** : Darn it

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Makoto I'm scared D:

**shsl hope** : Momo everything's going to be ok

**shsl hope** : I have no idea what's going on though

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Rei is killing everyone, obviously!!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : I don't want Him to kill me to!!!

**shsl hope** : He's not killing them, and he's not gonna kill you!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : But when I tried to call nitori he didn't pick up!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : They're obviously Dead!!!!! ahHhhhhhhhhh!! I dont want to die D':

**shsl hope** : No ones going to die!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : makoto

**shsl hope** : Yeah?

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : MAKOTO

**shsl hope** : what??

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : hEsaIN my Ho ueS .

_Momo arigato mr otterbato has logged off_

**shsl hope** : Momo??????

**shsl hope** : ohh God

**shsl hope** : I honestly have no idea what's going on on

**shsl hope** : Haru??? Nagisa??? Sousuke????

**shsl hope** : what's going on??????

_Reilien has logged on_

**Reilien** : There have been some technical difficulties and I am unable to locate where you are, individual number nine, Makoto Tachibana. Please type out the exact coordinates of your location and I will come quickly to retrieve you.

**shsl hope** : Umm??

**shsl hope** : Rei what's going on??

**Reilien** : I have told you that I am not Rei Ryuugazaki. That is just an alias that I go bye, I am called "Subject AI 526569" by the government official scientists of the AI human intelligence recreation ward. Please refer to me as that while you tell me your coordinates.

**shsl hope** : Subject AI 526569?? I'm very confused

**Reilien** : As I have said before, you have found out top secret government information so it is in my best interest to make sure that the information I have given you doesn't get out to anyone else and cause a nation-wide, possibly world-wide panic.

**shsl hope** : Then why did you give it out in the first place?? What happened to everyone else?

**Reilien** : I can assure you that they all are perfectly fine, albeit unconscious. They are currently being loaded into an airship in preparation to be taken to the White House's classified, hidden laboratories kept secret in the basement underneath the White House's front yard, where they will be effectively interrogated, mind-wiped, researched and experimented on to help further elevate AI technology and intelligence and possibly turn them into the first ever successful human-AI hybrid beings.

**shsl hope** : You're avoiding the first question

**Reilien** : I am afraid that that is classified information and if I tell you I will be forced to self destruct to protect the identity of what the government plans to do to your friends

**shsl hope** : But you already told me

**shsl hope** : Seriously, Rei, is this a prank or something?? What's going on

_praise the water gods has logged on_

**shsl hope** : Haru??!??

**Reilien** : Oh my. It seems one of the individuals has escaped. Individual number one, Haruka Nanase, please stay where you are and one of your government assigned guards will escort you back to your ship.

**praise the water gods** : no

**shsl hope** : Haru?? What's going on???

**praise the water gods** : cant talk, running

**praise the water gods** : gotta go fast

**shsl hope** : Haru answer your phone

**praise the water gods** : cant im running

**shsl hope** : What's going on?? Where did everyone go?

**shsl hope** : Haru?

**praise the water gods** : ?th

**praise the water gods** : e

**praise the water gods** : yffóf gfd HH.SAr p

_praise the water gods has logged off_

**shsl hope** : Haru???????

**Reilien** : Individual number one, Haruka Nanase has been safely and successfully detained. Now, Individual number nine, Makoto Tachibana, please state your coordinates so I can do the same with you.

**shsl hope** : Umm?? no??

**Reilien** : It is for the greater good, Individual number nine, Makoto Tachibana. Your cooperation is essential to upping the worlds growth in the small amount of time it has left. If you come quietly and easily, you will be allowed the opportunity of surviving the upcoming alien invasion. The aliens have very sophisticated, high-technology weapons but if you allow the government to experiment on you and turn your weak, human body to that of a feeling, emotional and advanced human-AI hybrid, you will be able to withstand their weapons and thus live a long life with your friends on what will remain of the thoroughly nuked earth and hopefully rebuild it to be as it was before, though quite possibly, better.

**Reilien** : The government has tested this on many others, and they have all proved to work well with little drawbacks.

**Reilien** : So, Individual number nine, Makoto Tachibana, please state your coordinates.

**shsl hope** : .

**shsl hope** : i

**shsl hope** : ????? I'm so confused

_shsl hope has logged off_

**Reilien** : So that's how it's going to be.

**Reilien** : Long live the earth!

_Aizen has logged on_

_Sharkboy has logged on_

**Sharkboy** : IS IT OVRR???

**Sharkboy** : HAHAHHA YES!!!! HOLY SHIT THATVWAS THE BEST THING EVER

_praise the water gods has logged on_

**Aizen** : Makoto was so damn confused

_IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER has logged on_

_Lavagirl has logged on_

_Trap has logged on_

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : HSFHJHIHVIGSKXHSSKSK THAT WAS AMAZING

_Kirishima SEijirou has logged on_

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Rei I LOVE your acting skills!!

**Trap** : yess!! you did great!! (“>w<“)/

_Momo arigato mr otterbato has logged on_

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : IM ALICE!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : fuck IM ALOVE!!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ALIBE!! !

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Take your time, sweetie

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : IM AKIVE!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : yknow what good enough

**praise the water gods** : yes

**Lavagirl** : Makoto still hasn't come back on yet

**Sharkboy** : @shsl hope

**Sharkboy** : 'Twas just a joke get back in here

_shsl hope has logged on_

**shsl hope** : YOU GUYS

**shsl hope** : STRESSED ME OUT SP MUCH PLEASE NEVER DO THAT AGAIN

**praise the water gods** : no promises

**shsl hope** : HARU I STG

**shsl hope** : I was so confused and stressed I need to lie down

**praise the water gods** : want me to come over

**shsl hope** : Yeah

**praise the water gods** : ok

_praise the water gods has logged off_

_shsl hope has logged off_

**Lavagirl** : Rinnn why can't we ever be like that?? :"(

**Sharkboy** : i mean

**Sharkboy** : iif you really want to

**Sharkboy** : we can cuddle

**Trap** : OwO what's this? Soft rin??

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : in MY group chat???

**Trap** : Its more likely than you think

**Sharkboy** : stfu and I made this group chat not you

**Sharkboy** : cmon, ai

_Sharkboy has logged off_

**Lavagirl** : ^_^

_Lavagirl has logged off_

**Trap** : luckyyyy :"( I want someone to cuddle me!!!

**Trap** : specifically someone whos name starts with r and ends with i!!!

**Reilien** : Nagisa what

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : HE WANTS TO FUCK YOU!!!!!

**Aizen** : Makoto isn't here to say this so instead I'll say it in his steed, WE'RE ALL MINORS WE'RE TOO YOUNG TO DO THE FRICKLE FRACKLE

**Kirishima SEijirou** : WERE NEVER TOO YOUNG!!!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : y'all gotta remember to wear protection tho, don't want to get pregnant

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : You're the oldest here, you get no say!!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : :(

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : But I agree yall should stay safe and ~wear a condom~ úwù

**Trap** : Rei chan date me!!

**Reilien** : wh

**Reilien** : I

**Reilien** : Are you being serious?

**Trap** : Duh!!! ÓwÒ

**Reilien** : uh

**Reilien** : ii mean sure

**Trap** : yay!!! finally!! ,,»w«,,

**Trap** : I'm COMIN TO YOUR HOUSE SO WE CAN PLAN A DATE!!!!!!!

**Reilien** : wait!!

_Trap has logged off_

**Reilien** : Nagisa-kun!!

_Reilien has logged off_

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : ahh young love :')

**Aizen** : *puking noises*

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : your just jealous cuz you don't have anyone to love you!!

**Aizen** : neither do you :/

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : #singlesclub!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : oh yeah??

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : KOU!! Go on a date with me pls!!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : no

**Aizen** : A for effort i guess

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : (╥﹏╥)

**Aizen** : *plays my tiny, sad violin*

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : shut up!! I'll find someone who will date me!!!

_Momo arigato mr otterbato has logged off_

**Aizen** : I bet no ones gonna date him

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : I bet he's gonna get so desperate that he's gonna ask every girl and then he's gonna end up dating someone ugly

**Aizen** : 1000¥?

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : 1000¥.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Group chat Fics are still relevant, right?  
> Also I have no idea where I'm going with this.


	3. rei ryuugazaki = tenya iida???

**Trap** : Good news!! Me and rei chan are now dating!! o((*^▽^*))o

**shsl hope** : Congrats, Nagisa, Rei!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Finally!! congratulations!! I'm so happy for you two :')

**Reilien** : Thank you!

**Sharkboy** : Congrats but gou you and sousuke betted quite a lot of yen? do you really have that much on hand? It's enough to buy myself a small meal :v

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : yup!! I'm gonna be 1000 yen richer by next week :-)

**Aizen** : Nope :/

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Damn!! Congrats

**Kirishima SEijirou** : I'm surprised the shota and the nerd managed to both find a date before me

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : , (the meathead)

**Reilien** : Thank you, but I would disagree that I am not a nerd!

**Aizen** : But you aren't disagreeing that Nagisa is a shota

**Trap** : Nope im def a shota ( ´ ▽ ` )b

**Reilien** : ..yes I guess he is

**praise the water gods** : good job

**Lavagirl** : Good job?

**Trap** : aww thank u, haru!! >\\\\\<

**shsl hope** : He's congratulating them, i think

**Sharkboy** : as emotionless as ever. smh. You have a weird way of congratulating people :///

**praise the water gods** : so

**Trap** : I love my new boyfriend!!!!!! (♡ω♡*)

**Reilien** : I love you too, Nagisa!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : ahhh youre so cute together!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : I, to, love my new gf!!

**Sharkboy** : Wait what

**Sharkboy** : You have a girlfriend??

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : yup!!!

**shsl hope** : Who is it?

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Chigusa hanamura!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : wait

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Are you serious?!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : yup!!!

**Trap** : you go to samezuka, why are you dating someone from Iwatobi???

**praise the water gods** : because hes desperate

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : im not desperate! >:(((

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Lil bro....I have a hard time believing Gou's best friend would date you

**shsl hope** : Umm I'm a little sceptical but congrats I guess?

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : why do you all doubt me?? :( i can get a gf easy peasy >:0

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : sore wa chigau yo! I called chigusa and she said she's not dating you :/

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : what no!??! uuugh Dammit she was just lying ;-;

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : I'll find a gf i swear!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Kouuuuuuuu pleaaaaase be my gf!!!! ;.;

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : No.

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** :（；へ ；）

**Trap** : I'll pray that you won't get slapped too hard, momo!!!

**Trap** : Since you're prob gonna flirt with every single girl in the school ōwô

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Im gonna get a gf w/out being slapped >:|

_Momo arigato mr otterbato has logged off_

**Reilien** : I wish him luck I guess.

**Reilien** : Can I change my name to something else now?

**Sharkboy** : no, it says what you are

**Sharkboy** : an alien

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : oh!! I have an idea for a new name!!!

**Reilien** : As long as it's appropriate, sure.

_IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER changed Reilien's name to Iida Tenya_

**Iida Tenya** : What?

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : You look like Iida Tenya!

**Iida Tenya** : I do not look like Iida Tenya!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : You do!! You both have blue hair, are tall and smart and have red glasses! And you both can run fast!!

**Lavagirl** : :0

**Aizen** : Conspiracy theory....

**Sharkboy** : oh no

**Aizen** : Rei Ryuugazaki is actually Iida Tenya's long lost twin brother. After they were born, the doctors were amazed at the two blue-haired babies and after one of them ended up exploding one of the nurse's heads by crying loud enough that their brain sent super powerful signals that overloaded the nurse's own brain, they did an MRI and it was revealed that they both were indescribably intelligent and had very, very powerful brains. Since they were newborns, their powers were still held at bay, but the doctors knew that once they got older, their geniusness would increase with each year, with each day, and the more time the two twins spent near each other, the more powerful they would get. So, the doctors agreed to keep them away from each other in hopes that their connected brain power wouldn't destroy the earth. Their mother was distraught at the news, but she agreed to let one of her children go, for the safety of the universe. The baby was driven to a different hospital and put under the care of a woman who coincidentally had blue hair and just lost her own child during birth, she accepted the baby without much thought after she was warned that this tiny newborn held too much power and intelligence for his tiny body. Later, that baby was given the name Rei Ryuugazaki, and taken home. The other child, Iida Tenya, was kept under careful surveillance, especially after he received his engine quirk at the age of four. Neither babies never knew they were related, and would never know until they both reach high school.

**Sharkboy** : STOP WATCHING FUCKING SHANE DAWSON

**Sharkboy** : YOU CANT EVEN UNDERSTABD ENGLISH

**Aizen** : NO

**Trap** : REI!!! You have super powers and you never told me!?!?

**Iida Tenya** : I don't have super powers..

**Iida Tenya** : But

_Iida Tenya changed their name to Rei of sunshine_

**Rei of sunshine** : If such a name evoked that response...

**Rei of sunshine** : Then I should probably stick to name puns..

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : aww :'(

**Trap** : That name is totally cute, just like you!!

**Rei of sunshine** : :)

**shsl hope** : Sousuke...

**shsl hope** : What.?

**Aizen** : It's just a theory

**Aizen** : a gayme theory

**Sharkboy** : STOP WRITING LONG ASS PARAGRAPHS ABOUT YOUR DUMB THEORIES

**Aizen** : You Can't Stop Me

**Sharkboy** : YES I FUCKIJG CAN MEET ME AT THE POOL IN 15 MINUTES IF I WIN YOU HAVE TO STOP

**Aizen** : Deal

**Aizen** : if I win

**Aizen** : uh

**Aizen** : I get to keep doing my long conspiracy theories

**Sharkboy** : DEAL You're going DOWN

_Sharkboy has logged off_

**Aizen** : lol

**shsl hope** : Why are you guys going swimming at 6 am??

**praise the water gods** : why not

**Trap** : Hello mr cryptid!!

**praise the water gods** : hi nagisa

**Lavagirl** : Rins really annoyed at Yamazaki's long conspiracy rants

**Lavagirl** : he's very aggressively stretching outside the dorms while in his bathing suit

**Lavagirl** : Someone just yelled at him to go back to sleep

**Rei of sunshine** : If he's disrupting other people's sleep, shouldn't he go back inside?

**Lavagirl** : Nah he's fine

**Lavagirl** : Ok he's going to the samezuka pool now

**Aizen** : welp I better get going too

**Trap** : Bye bye Sousuke!!! Im not sure if I think you should win or lose but good luck anyways!!

**Aizen** : thanks

_Aizen has logged off_

**Lavagirl** : haha Im not sure who I should cheer for

**Trap** : Sousuke ofc!!! His theories are funny!!! but sometimes annoying :((

**Rei of sunshine** : Hopefully they won't get in too much trouble for swimming without permission.

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Nah they'll be fine!! You'd be surprised at how many people sneak into the pool to swim without teacher's consent. Especially at night

**Trap** : night time swimming!! ooo that sounds like fun!!

**Rei of sunshine** : ...

**shsl hope** : .......

**praise the water gods** : .............

**Trap** : oh

**Trap** : Right

**Kirishima SEijirou** : ??

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : anyways!!!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Where'd momo go? I haven't heard from him in a while

**Trap** : why, are you worried for him? ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : Nagisa I am a lesbian who is just wondering where her friend went

**Kirishima SEijirou** : He's currently trying to pick up the girls that are watching Rin and Sousuke swim

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : I wish i could get a gf :'(

**praise the water gods** : just ask her out

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : What?

**praise the water gods** : chigusa. ask her out

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : NO

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : She's my best friend and if I confess n she declines it might ruin our friendship!!

**praise the water gods** : emphasize on might

**Rei of sunshine** : I agree! You won't know what will happen until you do it! There are some risks you must take.

**Trap** : do it!!!!! ask her out!!!!!! ibelieve in you!!!!!!!!!!!!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : hhhhhhhhhhhjjjhhh Im too nervous WHAT IF SHE SAYS NO

**Lavagirl** : Just do it!!! Don't let your dreams be dreams

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : that's s dead meme >:|

**shsl hope** : stop trying to change the subject, just ask her

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : hhhsdghH FINE

**shsl hope** : you guys better be girlfriends by tomorrow!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : aaaaäaa

_IT'S KOU MOTHER FUCKER has logged off_

**praise the water gods** : nice

**Trap** : MATCHMAKER HARU!!!!!!!!!!!

**Trap** : Haru can you use your matchmaker powers to get momo a girlfriend???

**praise the after gods** : no

**praise the water gods** : he's a hopeless case

**Rei of sunshine** : Perhaps we shouldn't doubt him...?

**shsl hope** : You saw how he faked asking Chigusa, and then asked Kou, who likes girls

**Trap** : the things you need to feel alright. your case is hopeless I hope you know this!!!

**Lavagirl** : What?

**Kirishima SEijirou** : sorry little dude we don't know what you're talking about!

**Trap** : it's from a song!!!

**Rei of sunshine** : Nagisa's been listening to a lot of English songs recently. Which, I must admit, a lot of them are a little overwhelming

**Trap** : They are!!!! I don't understand a lot of the lyrics and tbh i don't think I want to ówò

**Trap** : anyways!!!!!!!!!

**Trap** : the only thing we can do w/ momo is wait for him to come sulking back w/ no gf :"((((

**Kirishima SEijirou** : My little bro does not know how to flirt with girls :/

**Kirishima SEijirou** : at all!!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : They don't want to hear about your big collection, man

**Lavagirl** : Is he really telling them about his bug collection!?!?

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Yeah but they're very disinterested. I think they came to watch Rin and Sousuke swim

**shsl hope** : on the topic of those two, how are they doing?

**Lavagirl** : Theyre still going at it, though Rin is winning rn. I think Sousuke senpais arm is still giving him trouble :'o

**praise the water gods** : cut it off

**Rei of sunshine** : His arm is not injured enough to need to be amputated, Haru!

**Rei of sunshine** : It would be 100% unnecessary and he wouldn't be able to swim well at all with just one arm!

**Trap** : cut it off!!! Cut it off!!!

**shsl hope** : oh my god do not cut sousukes arm off PLEASE

**Trap** : ok mom :-(

**praise the water gods** : ok i wont

**praise the water gods** : for now

**shsl hope** : HARU– DONT YOU DARE—

**Lavagirl** : I hate to interrupt this meaningful and totally not concerning conversation but they're done swimming!

**Rei of sunshine** : Who won?

**Lavagirl** : I honestly thought Rin was going to win, but Sousuke managed to pull through in the end

**Trap** : guess were gonna have to suffer through more long conspiracy theory paragraphs!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!

**praise the water gods** : yay

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Hey nitori do you see that?

**Lavagirl** : see what, captain mikoshiba?

**Lavagirl** : wait

**Lavagirl** : do you mean..

**Kirishima SEijirou** : YES

**Lavagirl** : yes!!! I totally see it omg

**shsl hope** : what do you see??

**Lavagirl** : okay so after they're done swimming, Sousuke senpai gets out of the pool and Momo turns to him and just--

**Lavagirl** : STARES

**Kirishima SEijirou** : He's full on staring at him

**Trap** : and let the gay panic begin!!!

**Lavagirl** : momos not even TRYING to hide it, he's just full on stating at his abs like they were sculpted by God herself

**Lavagirl** : (which tbh I'm pretty sure they were)

_Momo arigato mr otterbato has logged on_

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ITSNKT GAY OANIC

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : IM NOT GAY NOR AN I IN LOVE WITH SOUSUKE!!!

**Trap** : suuuuure

**praise the water gods** : :/

_Aizen has logged on_

**Aizen** : heard a commotion in here

**Aizen** : and momo What

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : FUCK

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : I CAN EXPLAIN

**Kirishima SEijirou** : My bro's sweating now

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : hhgsffdHFDDDRJKLY I'm nOT A SWEAR

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ITS FROM

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : GGHGFHGHHHHJFLJ

**Trap** : mood,,,

**Aizen** : Spit it out already

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : d

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : DATE ME SOUSUKE

**shsl hope** : oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk.
> 
> Nicknames list:  
> Makoto: shsl hope  
> Haru: praise the water gods  
> Nagisa: Trap  
> Rei: Rei of sunshine  
> Gou: IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER  
> Rin: Sharkboy  
> Nitori: Lavagirl  
> Momotarou: Momo arigato mr otterbato  
> Seijuurou: Kirishima SEijirou  
> Sousuke: Aizen


	4. y'all got a minion oc too?

**Lavagirl** : I'm ascending into the next plane

**Lavagirl** : I'm dissociating and my soul has astral projected itself out of my body and now it's traversing into a whole different realm where reality doesn't exist, nothing exists. I've got numb and all I know is absolutely nothing

**Lavagirl** : even God can't save me now, I've floated far too out of consciousness

**Lavagirl** : What even is consciousness? Is everything but a dream world created by one person, one single, sole person desperate for a perfect society where they aren't the last bring on earth? Who is God? Are they but a fictional, all-knowing, all-seeing being created hundreds of years ago by hopeless, directionless people needing guidance, needing a person to look up to? A person who is yet just a mere idea, a fake identity made up of harmful flames that are being stoked by religions and people who put their undying faith into one man, who pray to a holy deity that no person can dream of ever being. How can one person, the most influential being in the universe, be so powerful and forgiving, yet so ignorant and condemning?

**Lavagirl** : And how can the painfully straight womanizer, Momotaro Mikoshiba, be asking Sousuke Yamazaki, on a date?

**Trap** : SSSGHHHHHHHHHHHHH BE QUIET

**Aizen** : I

**Aizen** : did not expect that

**Aizen** : but uhhhhhh

**Rei of sunshine** : Are you not going to answer, Yamazaki-san?

_Aizen has logged off_

**Rei of sunshine** : oh

_Momo arigato mr otterbato has logged off_

**Trap** : where are they going!?!!??

**shsl hope** : Are they talking in real life?

**Lavagirl** : yes! They got off their phones and are talking outside

**Trap** : awwww I wanted to see his answer :((((

**Rei of sunshine** : This is a personal matter, if you give them a little privacy, they'll come back later to tell us their relationship status!

**Trap** : you sound like a facebook user lol

**Rei of sunshine** : I do not!

**Rei of sunshine** : I don't even use Facebook.

**Trap** : I bet you like minion memes!!!

**Rei of sunshine** : Nagisa, I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't like 'minion memes'

**Trap** : well, even if u like minion memes and talk like u spend everyday on facebook, i still love u <3

**Rei of sunshine** : you can't tell but I'm sighing right now.

**praise the water gods** : i like minion memes

**praise the water gods** : I have a minionsona

**shsl hope** : Haru what the heck

**Lavagirl** : What does it look like?

**praise the water gods** : blue skin, two red eyes, dark black hair that covers one. red overalls with an upside down cross on it

**Trap** : IM GONNA CRY

**Trap** : WHATS ITS NANE

**Trap** : MAME

**Trap** : NAME

**praise the water gods** : balthasar julian jahoma michael ode rosaria bloodway jr

**praise the water gods** : he's trans and he likes to swim

**shsl hope** : Of course he does

**Lavagirl** : Does Balthasar have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

**praise the water gods** : not yet

**Rei of sunshine** : Oh?

**praise the water gods** : makoto

**shsl hope** : Haru I love you but I'm not creating a minionsona

**Trap** : HAHAHAHSGSAHSAHAJ

**praise the water gods** : please

**shsl hope** : No

**praise the water gods** : please

**shsl hope** : No!

**Trap** : Makoto just make one!!!!!

**Trap** : you don't want to make haru-chan sad,do you??? (*´；ェ ；`*)

**shsl hope** : I don't! But I also don't want to make a minionsona

**praise the water gods** : :'(

**Trap** : look at what youve done, mako-chan

**Trap** : he's crying

**shsl hope** : UGH fine

**praise the water gods** : ok name description likes

**shsl hope** : uhh

**shsl hope** : Shouhei

**shsl hope** : Yamada

**shsl hope** : Shouhei Yamada

**praise the water gods** : description

**shsl hope** : Yellow minion......with uhh one brown eye

**shsl hope** : I hate this

**shsl hope** : He has blue hair

**shsl hope** : that looks like sasuke uchiha's

**shsl hope** : and he likes Balthasar and anime

**Lavagirl** : I can't believe Shouhei is a weeb

**praise the water gods** : nice lets rp

**shsl hope** : What.

**Rei of sunshine** : What's rp?

**Trap** : Roleplay!!!

**Rei of sunshine** : Oh!

**shsl hope** : I'm not doing a minion roleplay

**praise the water gods** : i won't bug you

**shsl hope** : hhhhhhgh fine

**Lavagirl** : You guys are actually going to roleplay!!???

**shsl hope** : If I kept saying no, Haru wouldnt stop bugging me about it.

**Lavagirl** : understandable

**praise the water gods** : balthasar was walking home from school head down

**shsl hope** : oh we're heading right into it. ok

**shsl hope** : uhh Shouhei was running towards him, arm waving as he yelled out "Balthasar, wait up!!"

**praise the water gods** : balthasar looked up in surprise. "hello shouhei"

**shsl hope** : Shouhei caught up to him. "Is everything okay?? .you look a little down..."

**praise the water gods** : "yeah everything is alright but......theres this minion i like" balthasar said blushing

**Trap** : owo what's this??

**shsl hope** : "Oh?? you like someone?? Who is it?" Shouhei asked

**praise the water gods** : balthasar stopped walking and grabbed shouheis hand

**praise the water gods** : "shouhei"

**shsl hope** : "y yes?"

**praise the water gods** : balthasar placed his hand on shouheis cheek. "let me show you who it is"

_Sharkboy has logged on_

**praise the water gods** : balthasar leaned in. kissing shouhei on his soft minion lips

**Sharkboy** : What the fuck

**Rei of sunshine** : Hello, Rin!

**Sharkboy** : What the hell is going on

**praise the water gods** : makoto continue

**shsl hope** : I CANT

**shsl hope** : HARU PLEASE IM BEGGING YIU

**shsl hope** : PLEASE DONT MAKE ME COMTINUE YOUR MINION LOVE ROLEPLAY

**Sharkboy** : Why the fuck are you doing minion love rps??

**Lavagirl** : Rinnn lets do a minion love rp too!!

**Sharkboy** : fuck no!

**Trap** : Minion orgy!!!

**Sharkboy** : NO

**praise the water gods** : makoto

**praise the water gods** : continue thedamn rp

_IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER has logged on_

**shsl hope** : IM CRYING KOU PLEASE HELP

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : YALL GUESS WHAT!!!

**Trap** : did you court the fair maiden chigusa!!!!?!?!??

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : YESS!!!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : GUESS WHO HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOW!!!

**Trap** : :O

**Sharkboy** : Damn sis, congrats

**Lavagirl** : Kou!!! I'm so happy for you!!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : hhHhh THANK YOU!!!

**IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER** : she's so beautiful n pretty n god I'm Gay af

**shsl hope** : Finally! Congratulations!

**Rei of sunshine** : Congratulations, Kou. It's surprising how many people are getting together.

_Sharkboy has changed IT'S KOU MOTHERFUCKER's name to Disaster lesbian_

**Disaster lesbian** : But only me n chigusa n you and Nagisa have?

**Disaster lesbian** : Rin >:|

**shsl hope** : Momo asked Sousuke to date him earlier. If you scroll up, you'll see what happened

**Disaster lesbian:** aw man. Guess I'm not getting any money :<

**Disaster lesbian** : are they not back yet?

**Lavagirl** : Nope.

**shsl hope** : @praise the water gods stop dming me to continue the roleplay. I'll block you!!

**Trap** : mom and dad are fighting again ( ◞ ‸ ◟ )

**Disaster lesbian** : roleplay??

**Disaster lesbian** : OH

**Disaster lesbian** : HAHAHAHFGHAHAHAHASAHDH WHY IS HARU SO INSISTENT ON MAKOTO RPING IWTH HIM

**shsl hope** : I don't know I don't want this

**Rei of sunshine** : Haru, if Makoto doesn't want to continue the roleplay, then respect his wishes and cease your incessant DMing! Being blocked is not fun.

**Lavagirl** : You've been blocked before?

**Rei of sunshine** : Yes, by Nagisa.

**Rei of sunshine** : He wanted to come to my house to hang out but I told him I was studying.

**Rei of sunshine** : He asked me, "Are your studies more important than me?" In what I now realize was a joking manner. I said yes and then he blocked me

**Sharkboy** : Ouch

**Rei of sunshine** : I had to go over to his house to apologize

**Trap** : and we ended up hanging out after all!!! (*´∇｀)ﾉ

**Lavagirl** : All roads lead to Rome.

**Disaster lesbian** : What does that mean??

**praise the water gods** : no matter what you do or where you go you cant escape from rome

**Lavagirl** : not quite

**Rei of sunshine** : No,

**Rei of sunshine** : It means that the options you have all lead to the same conclusion.

**Trap** : Do all roads really lead to rome????

**Rei of sunshine** : Judging by how old this quote is, I'd say they do. Old quotes speak the truth!

**praise the water gods** : you can't escape rome

**Trap** : eee cryptid Haru is SPOOKY!!!

**praise the water gods** : :-)

**Trap** : HE ADDED A NOSE ONTO IT!!!

**Sharkboy** : Oh

**Sharkboy** : My

**Sharkboy** : God

**Lavagirl** : NOT A NOSE

**Disaster lesbian** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

**Rei of sunshine** : What's so bad about a nose?

**Disaster lesbian** : a nose makes it more cursed!!!

**Rei of sunshine** : What do you mean by cursed?

**Sharkboy** : yknow. something that is cursed

**Sharkboy** : something that shouldn't exist

**Rei of sunshine** : What quality makes something cursed?

**Rei of sunshine** : What defines cursedness??

**Lavagirl** : We're actually going to have this conversation, huh

**Trap** : hmmmm a cursed thing is usually something that gives off a spooky aura and generates a level of confusion, concern, disgust or scariness!!! or all 4!!!

**Trap:** like a fuzzy, monochrome picture of a blurry cat running reaaaaaally fast up to the camera with spooky glowing eyes is a fairly cursed image!!!!

**Trap** : and haru chans smiley face w/ a nose is cursed because a. HARU ALMOST NEVER POSTS SMILEY FACES!!!!! and b. they shouldnt have noses,,

**Disaster lesbian** : whoever puts noses on their emoticons are certified psychopaths

**shsl hope** : Oh wow! I didn't expect Nagisa to explain it

**Rei of sunshine** : :-(

**Lavagirl** : he's learning how to become more cursed :o

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Don't you mean :-o !

**Sharkboy** : oh shit hey Mikoshiba senpai

K **irishima SEijirou** : Hello Rin!

**Trap** : the Cursed Army is Growing!!

**shsl hope** : Where have you been? It's been a while since you last talked here

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Sorry! I decided to visit the school, I miss the old swim team!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : I'm glad to see that appointing Nitori as the next captain was a good idea!

**Disaster lesbian** : we must take down their forces!!!

**Lavagirl** : aww :"D It's occasionally hard to get everyone to listen to me, but it's been a blast, being able to coordinate practices

**Trap** : YOURE GOING DOWN, CURSED ARMY!!!

**Sharkboy** : :-/

**Trap** : NO WE'RE GETTING OUTNUMBERED

**Kirishima SEijirou** : That's good to hear! I expected you to fall into the leader role very quickly!

**Trap** : MAKO VHAN HELP!!!!!!!

**shsl hope** : :-< sorry, I can't.

**Trap:** it's just nitori, me and gou

**Trap** : sousuke and momo are possibly doing the no pants dance together so we can't rely on them, everyone else has been infected. we are the last survivors

**Trap** : it is a Sad Day, boys

**Lavagirl** : Nagisa, I'm sorry

**Trap** : nitori don't do it

**Lavagirl** : I'm Sorry

**Lavagirl** : :'-(

**Trap** : NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : No!! Today is a very happy day!! My little bro is possibly getting a boyfriend!

**shsl hope** : I actually forgot about them for a sec. Anybody know how they're doing?

**Sharkboy** : well i fuckin hope they're not doing the "no pants dance" like Nagisa said

**Rei of sunshine** : I also wonder where they are, they've been talking for quite a long time

**Trap** : maybe they ate each other and died?

**praise the water gods** : one word:

**praise the water gods** : wtf

**shsl hope** : Thank you Haru

**Disaster lesbian** : My thoughts exactly

**Lavagirl** : That's technically three but ok

**Disaster lesbian** : Somebody call the police!!! We've got two missing people!!!

**Sharkboy** : WHATS THE NUMBER

**Disaster lesbian** : 8

**Sharkboy** : 8???

**Disaster lesbian** : I DONT KNOW I JUST TYPED A RANDOM NUMBER

_Aizen has logged on_

**Trap** : SOUSUKE

**Disaster lesbian** : HOWD IT GO???

**shsl hope** : You're back! We were starting to get worried

**Trap** : SOUUUUUSUKKKEEEEEE

**Rei of sunshine** : Welcome back! Have you two figured out if you're going to start a relationship or not?

**Lavagirl** : ^^^^

**Aizen** : woah

**Trap** : WELL???

_Momo arigato mr otterbato has logged on_

**Sharkboy** : Hey

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : WE'RE DATING!!!!!!!!!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Congrats bro! Congrats Yamazaki kun!

**Disaster lesbian** : I can't believe it. I honestly can't believe it

**shsl hope** : me too!!! Congratulations, you guys.

**Lavagirl** : Now the only one who needs to date someone is captain Mikoshiba!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : oh haha!

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Hopefully I'll find someone soon!

**Trap** : i'm pregnant

**Sharkboy** : what the Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is exactly 2000 words. That, my friends, is very satisfying.


	5. that rockefeller groove

**praise the water gods** : makoto

 **shsl hope** : Yeah?

 **praise the water gods** : can we continue the rp

 **shsl hope** : What rp?

 **Sharkboy** : If you continue your weird ass minion rp im gonna shove your phone up your ass

 **Momo arigato me otterbato** : KINKY

 **Sharkboy** : stfu furry

 **shsl hope** : oh.

 **shsl hope** : but haru we already finished it

 **shsl hope** : You said that if I rped with you you'd leave me alone

 **praise the water gods** : we didn't finish it though

 **shsl hope** : I don't want to finish the minion roleplay!

 **praise the water gods** : is this was shouhei would've wanted?

 **Trap** : gasp

 **shsl hope** : Don't bring shouhei into this!

 **praise the water gods** : imagine what he would think

 **praise the water gods** : about your betrayal

 **praise the water gods** : he just wants a relationship and you're not gonna let him have one

 **Lavagirl** : This. is the most I've seen him talk??

 **Sharkboy** : he's really passionate about minions

 **shsl hope** : you don't know what shouhei would've wanted!

 **Trap** : MOM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING

 **praise the water gods** : makoto

 **praise the water gods** : give them a chance

 **shsl hope** : Haru

 **shsl hope** : i can't

 **shsl hope** : I physically Can't

 **praise the water gods** : if you're gonna deny them what they need

 **praise the water gods** : then maybe you're not fit to be a parent

 **shsl hope** : HARU

 **praise the water gods** : im filing for a divorce

 **praise the water gods** : and im taking the kids

 **Disaster Lesbian** : (are the kids balthasar and shouhei?)

 **praise the water gods** : (yes)

 **shsl hope** : I can't believe haru took the kids

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : HIT OR MISS HARU TOOK TGE KIDS YA NOW MAKOTOS CRYIN AINT GOT NO WILL TO LIVE YA

 **Trap** : DISRESPECT

 **shsl hope** : haru please

 **shsl hope** : come back

_Aizen changed praise the water god's name to Karen_

**Karen** : no. i can't do this any more

 **Sharkboy** : QUOTE THE VINE

 **Karen** : what

 **Sharkboy** : QUOTE THAT VINE

 **Karen** : i thought you were bae

 **Karen** : turns out youre just fam

 **shsl hope** : bruh

 **Disaster Lesbian** : *wipes tear from eye* so sad,,

 **Lavagirl** : wait

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : ?

 **Lavagirl** : if Balthasar and Shouhei are both their kids, and are in love...

 **Lavagirl** : doesn't that make it incest?

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : OH NO

 **Karen** : balthasar is adopted

 **Rei of sunshine** : You still consider him your son, though!

 **Karen** : were divorced now

 **Aizen** : i can't believe they're fighting over minion children ocs

 **Trap** : if makochan just roleplayed with haruchan, this wouldntve happened ://

 **Karen** : yea

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : #relationship goals

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : wish me n sousuke were so in love that we fought over adopted minion OC children :"((

 **Aizen** : I'd burn all orphanages with minions in them before I'd ever adopt one

 **Aizen** : they're desgustang

 **Trap** : and yall still in the fresh, awkward stage of ur relationship so you guys aren't gonna argue ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭

 **Aizen** : it wasn't too long ago that you and ryuugazaki got together

 **Trap** : yup!!!!! and I love reichan!!! ( ˘ ³˘) ♡

 **Rei of sunshine** : I love you too!! <3

 **Trap** : !!! <3 (˶^ з^(〃‿〃✿)

 **Disaster Lesbian** : that's adorable :')c

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : It's been a while since Makoto last talked.

 **Lavagirl** : he must still be sad about Haru taking the kids...

 **Sharkboy** : hey psst makoto if u want, I can kidnap ur kids back

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : hello yes 911 I think I'm about to witness a minionnapping

 **Trap** : A MINIONNAPPONG

 **Trap** : NFWTETJYRHEGRWGRWB

 **Aizen** : this is the police

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ooo sexy police ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Disaster Lesbian** : YAMERO

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : This is gonna turn into another weird rp isn't it

 **Trap** : I wanna do a weird rp!!!! rei chan!!!

 **Rei of sunshine** : As much as I'd love to participate in things that will make you happy, I'm going to have decline this

 **Trap** : aw :"o

 **Trap** : i'll forgive you tho!! <3

 **Rei of sunshine** : <3

 **Disaster Lesbian** : UGH STOP FLEXING ON US

 **Sharkboy** : wdym you've got a girlfriend

 **Disaster Lesbian** : she's busy rn :'(

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : this is so sad Alexa play rockefeller street nightcore

 **Trap** : daylight is fading away, night silhouettes in the sky

 **Trap** : led lights are flashing on towers

 **Lavagirl** : oh no

 **Trap** : it's Manhattans magical time

 **Trap** : ballerinas dancing the swan lake

 **Trap** : on a river made of diamonds and pearls

 **Trap** : everythings a little bit weird now

 **Trap** : because tonight it is showtime

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : NO

 **Sharkboy** : SHUTBUP

 **Karen** : bup

 **Sharkboy** : SHUT HARU

 **Trap** : in the middle of the street life

 **Trap** : all we celebrate are good times

 **Sharkboy** : NAGISA DINT TOU FUCKING DARE

 **Trap** : because tonight it is showtime

 **Sharkboy** : I'LL SUPLEX YOU

 **Trap** : come and walk with me

 **Trap** : 1273 down the rockefeller street

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : oh no

 **Trap** : life is marching on, do you feel that

 **Sharkboy** : I don't think I feel anything rn

 **Trap** : 1273 down the Rockefeller street

 **Trap** : everything is more than surreal

 **Lavagirl** : I think Rin just gave up on life

 **Trap** : good!!! (≡´◡`≡)

 **shsl hope** : were you gonna type out the full song???

 **Trap** : hi mako-chan!!! and nope, I'm not that evil!!

 **Trap** : (✿◕‿◕)

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : haha

 **Rei of sunshine** : I don't see what is so bad about nightcore?

 **Lavagirl** : i

 **Rei of sunshine** : Although I don't particularly see the merit of increasing the pitch of a song, I rather like what they sound like!

 **Aizen** : oh

 **Disaster Lesbian** : rei, sweetie...

 **Disaster Lesbian** : ...fuck

 **Disaster Lesbian** : I CANT DO IT

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : what's your favourite nightcore song?

 **Rei of sunshine** : Believer!

 **Lavagirl** : You mean like. that one english song?

 **Rei of sunshine** : Yes!

 **Disaster Lesbian** : omg

 **Disaster Lesbian** : REI UNIRONICALLY LIKES NIGHTCORE

 **Sharkboy** : im gonna piss myself laughing

 **Rei of sunshine** : But I do like piano or classical music better! It helps me concentrate :)

 **Rei of sunshine** : The beat and tones of nightcore are too wild and loud even if I lower the volume

 **Rei of sunshine** : and that breaks my concentration

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : I'm sure you can find a calm song with pianos!

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : i can dm u songs

 **Rei of sunshine** : Really?

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ye

 **Rei of sunshine** : Thank you!

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : dont tell anyone else tho lol

 **Rei of sunshine** : Ok.

 **Aizen** : this kinda seems like a drug deal

 **Lavagirl** : A nightcore drug deal!!

 **Karen** : snort some nightcore

 **Trap** : heyyyy lets go smoke a phat nightcore, bro

 **Sharkboy** : hellll yeah man lets get high off nightcore

 **Disaster Lesbian** : NAGISA

 **Trap** : YES

 **Disaster Lesbian** : WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON YOUR BF LIKING NIGHTCORE

 **Trap** : @ REI YOU DO YOU BABE, IF YOU STILL LIKE ME EVEN THOUGH ALL I DO IS EAT CANDY AND BE ANNOYING WHILE WE RE STUDYING THEN I CAN DEFINITELY HANDLE A LITTLE NIGHTCORE

 **Trap** : UNTIL YOU START MAKING NIGHTCORE

 **Trap** : because that's where I draw the line

 **Sharkboy** : same

 **Aizen** : same

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : nothin wrong with liking nightcore!

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : u can't talk bro you like screamo that bursts ur ears

 **Lavagirl** : is that why he yells all the time and blows the whistle so loudly??

 **Sharkboy** : ^^^ I stg my hearing is dead now from that damn whistle

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : Haha! Oops

 **Karen** : sucks to be you

 **Aizen** : can't lose what you never had

 **Trap** : ^ me when some1 threatens to castrate me for being annoying (_　_|||)

 **shsl hope** : n

 **shsl hope** : nagisa are you alright?!?

 **Trap** : ya

 **Disaster Lesbian** : that's transphobic whos been hurtin you

 **Trap** : a lot of things. mainly school n grades (*´；ェ；`*)

 **Aizen** : i can relate.

 **Sharkboy** : he's going on another long ass tangent isn't he

 **Karen** : yep

 **Aizen** : when I went to highschool I expected it to be better than the pubescent hellfest that was middle school. When I walked into those doors, an exhausted fourteen year old fresh into the highschool business and confused about everything; school, life, sexuality, gender, i expected things to be better, more calm. But instead I got thrown into a place I'd call softcore prison, with its long, torturous classes, shitty students and unhelpful teachers. Everyday I am In Pain and the only way to relieve it is to swim my suffering away, and even that is yet but a temporary fix. For swimming can't change what's in my pants and swimming can't get my grades up. What is this hobby worth, if all it can do is give me either the short chance of a break from scholarly stress, or the sweet release from this world through the suffocating endless blue oblivion of swimming, which isn't really swimming, but instead just floating there, letting the calm waters take you into its arms until you pass out in the pool and have to be dragged out by an angry teacher before you can die

 **Trap** : MOOD

 **Rei of sunshine** : What

 **Disaster Lesbian** : kin

 **Lavagirl** : Me

 **Karen** : felt

 **Sharkboy** : and he strikes again

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : I'll throw down with all of the teachers for you, Sousuke!! <3<3

 **Aizen** : ...

 **Aizen** : <3

 **Disaster Lesbian** : :)c

 **shsl hope** : Ahh things always spiral into one of Sousuke's long, concerning rants

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : it's always the quiet ones that scream the loudest!

 **Sharkboy** : what

 **Disaster Lesbian** : i

 **shsl hope** : oh

 **Trap** : im a little intimidated

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : wait who's the quitest

 **Sharkboy** : haru

 **shsl hope** : Haru

 **Lavagirl** : Haru!!

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : Haru!

 **Karen** : me

 **Trap** : oh god

 **Trap** : HRUCHAN I WANT YOUNTO SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN

 **Karen** : ok

 **Karen** : aaaaaaaaaaäaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **shsl hope** : He's screaming irl

 **shsl hope** : it's a whisper scream though

 **Disaster Lesbian** : let it all out, babes :'(

 **Aizen** : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Lavagirl** : aaaaaaAAAaaa!!!!

 **Trap** : AAAAAAAAA

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : screms

 **Sharkboy** : creams

 **Sharkboy** : WAIT SHIT

 **shsl hope** : not in front of the kids!!

 **Karen** : desgustang

 **Sharkboy** : STFU HARU

 **Lavagirl** : rin that's nasty!!!

 **Sharkboy** : hhhhhrrgfdsryhbgh

 **Trap** : *covers reis eyes* DONT LOOK, YOULL BE TAINTED!!

 **Rei of sunshine** : They're just words!!

 **Trap** : DONT LOOK!!!!!

 **Rei of sunshine** : I don't understand

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : rei, you see,

 **Trap** : NO!!!!

 **Trap** : RIN HES TYPNG DO SOMETHING

 **Sharkboy** : WHY

 **Trap** : I'LL GIVE YOU 5 OF MY LIMITED EDITION PKMN CARDS IF U DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIM

_Sharkboy kicked Momo arigato mr otterbato from the chatroom "gay swimmers club"_

**Trap** : THANK YOU

 **Disaster Lesbian** : Rei's innocence must be protected at all costs (＝⌒▽⌒＝)

 **Aizen** : wtf

 **Aizen** : add him back

 **Sharkboy** : damn make up your minds on what u want me to do

_Sharkboy invited Momo arigato mr otterbato to the chatroom "gay swimmers club"_

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : THANK U BABE ILY I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE

 **Sharkboy** : now gimme the cards

 **Trap** : OK

 **Rei of sunshine** : I don't need my 'innocence' to be protected! I am not innocent; I know what sex and the like is.

 **Disaster Lesbian** : GASP

 **Trap** : who............who tainted him.........

 **Rei of sunshine** : Nobody tainted me, Nagisa-kun!

 **Trap** : Σ(ﾟ口ﾟ;)

 **Trap** : REI I INOW THEYRE DECEIVING YOU

 **Trap** : ITS GONNA BE OK I'LL FIND WHOS BEEN TAINTING YOU

 **Karen** : press f for reis innocence

 **Aizen** : f

 **Disaster Lesbian:** F

 **Lavagirl** : F

 **shsl hope** : F

 **Trap** : Mako chaaaaan Haru chans being mean againnnn!!! ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 **Karen** : oops

 **Lavagirl** : don't worry nagisa!!

 **Trap** : ??

 **Lavagirl** : even if Rei doesn't cherish your protection attempts, I'll forever cherish them!!

 **Lavagirl** : Shoutas gotta stick together :)

 **Trap** : :D

 **Aizen** : momo should join your shouta gang

 **Aizen** : cuz he's a shouta

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : SOUSUKE!!!! I AM NOT!!!

 **Sharkboy** : you kinda are

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : >:(

 **Aizen** : Shoutas are cute tho and youre cute

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : AWWWWW <333333333

 **Disaster Lesbian** : damn, 2 out of 3 of the couples in the chat have been rlly adorable and then there's Haru n Makoto being all...

 **Disaster Lesbian** : Crack-y

 **Kirishima SEijirou** : Crack-y?

 **Disaster Lesbian** : Memey

 **Karen** : good

 **Lavagirl** : Cryptid Haru lowkey intimidates me :o

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : more like highkey

 **Karen** : :-)

 **Trap** : he's bringing out the cursed smiley faces again!!!

 **shsl hope** : Haru stop traumatizing the kids

 **Karen** : :-(

 **Disaster Lesbian** : Put That Back

 **Disaster Lesbian** : Put That Back Or So Help Me God

 **Aizen** : if there was a god he would've struck me down already

 **Sharkboy** : but he tried already

 **Aizen** : ?

 **Sharkboy** : the whole. thing with your shoulder

 **Aizen** : ah

 **Aizen** : right

 **Lavagirl** : Yamazaki senpai is all powerful!!

 **Disaster Lesbian** : we stan 2 (two) cryptid gods

 **Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ━ﾟ+.ヽ(≧▽≦)ﾉ.+ﾟ

 **shsl hope** : Oh man, the conversations here change so fast

 **Trap** : It's a talent!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rise from my grave to deliver you all another chapter of this terrible chatfic


	6. the start of the Naruto Cult

**Aizen** : Are you guys still divorced?

**Karen** : i will undivorce Makoto if he rps

**shsl hope** : Haruuu :(

**shsl hope** : Wait

**shsl hope** : When did we get married?

**Karen** : what happens in vegas stays in vegas

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : OWO

**Sharkboy** : I'm gonna punt you into the sun like a soccer ball

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : ÓWÒ'

**Sharkboy** : Where Do You Live

**Karen** : i will hold the kids hostage

**Karen** : rp with me

**shsl hope** : NO

**Trap** : little does Haru chan know, makochan has A HUNDRED MORE CHILDREN!! (they're us)

**Trap** : what's two more gone from his family?

**Rei of sunshine** : Nagisa, even if you have plenty if children, none of them are less important than others

**Lavagirl** : plus they're their minion children!! Ofc they're important :)

**shsl hope** : please don't remind me...

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : that they're important?

**shsl hope** : THAT THEYRE MINION OCS

**shsl hope** : If I had kids, they'd all be imprtant to me!!

**Disaster Lesbian** : aaHH

**Kirishima SEijirou** : ?

**Disaster Lesbian** : WE'RE WITNESSING THE ILLUSIVE MOMKOTO!!!

**Trap** : MOMKOTO!!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : momkoto will you be my mom too

**shsl hope** : I'm,,, I'm not a mom

**Sharkboy** : could've fooled me

**shsl hope** : wow

**Trap** Momkoto is too nice to turn down poor lil children

**Aizen** : y'all got mommy kinks or smthn

**Sharkboy** : did you just take all of the vowels + g out of the word something?

**Aizen** : vwls nd tht n lttr r slss

**Aizen** : w dnt nd thm

**Aizen** : m vrthrwn th vrnmnt nd rmvn vwls nd tht n lttr frm th lphbt

**Rei of sunshine** : I am in physical pain

**Rei of sunshine** : How you're typing is so frustrating

**Trap** : I only got a mommy kink if reichans being my mom!!! (ꈍᴗꈍ)

**Rei of sunshine** : What??

**Sharkboy** : NAGISA ILL SPIKE YOU LIKE A VOLLEYBALL

**Sharkboy** : STRAIGHT INTO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN

**Trap** : waaah but that's so far!!

**Sharkboy** : YOU TOO SOUSUKE

**Sharkboy** : STOP TALKING SBOUT MOMMY KINKS

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : gasp.....

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : could it be.........

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : that....................

**Disaster Lesbian** : Out with it!!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : I'm getting there

**Kirishima SEijirou** : (take your time, lil bro!)

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : (thank you big bro seijuurou!)

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : could it be that............................

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : RIN SENPAI HAS A CLOSETED MOMMY KINK!?!?!?

**Trap** : busted~~

**Sharkboy** : Watch your fucking back, Momo

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : eep

**Karen** : did you just type eep

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : yes

**Karen** : understandable

**Lavagirl** : guyss don't be so mean to Rin :-(

**Trap** : grrr that face again!!! ◟(`ﮧ´ ◟ )

**Sharkboy** : THANK YOU AII

**Lavagirl** : it's a closet kink for a reason, he's probably embarrassed about it!!

**Sharkboy** : even my own boyfriend

**Lavagirl** : dont worry, I'll love you no matter what weird kinks you have :)

**Sharkboy** : fucking betrayal

**Sharkboy** : fuck you all

**Trap** : shark week done snapped!!

**Rei of sunshine** : Nagisa stop antagonizing Rin!

_Sharkboy has logged off_

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : there he go :0

**shsl hope** : I hope he's not angry!

**Disaster Lesbian** : He's always angry

**Lavagirl** : I'll check on him ^^'

**Trap** : GOOD MAN

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : Good luck, soldier! (￣^￣)ゞ

**Lavagirl** : haha, thank you! ( ・∀・ )ゞ

_Lavagirl has logged off_

**Aizen** : Rin is a pussy

**Karen** : i thought he was a stark

**Karen** : shark

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : nono keep talking, what's this about Rin being a stark?

**Disaster Lesbian** : GoT or marvel?

**Karen** : yes

**Kirishima SEijirou** : I honestly don't understand why you guys like watching English shows and movies

**shsl hope** : The plots are interesting!

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : THE FIGHT SCENES

**Disaster Lesbian** : The ships!!

**Aizen** : seriously?? the ships??

**Disaster Lesbian** : yes!! I loove stucky but I'd be lying if I said I didn't ship a poly ship w/ cap, bucky and Tony :')

**Disaster Lesbian** : BUT ALSO

**Disaster Lesbian** : need me some wlw QUEENS!!! valkyrie X captain marvel??? YASS!!!

**Trap** : mom she's doing it again

**Disaster Lesbian** : but wait?? Natasha romanoff x captain marvel!!!

**Disaster Lesbian** : NO, A HUGE WLW POLYSHIP WITH ALL OF THE WOMEN

**shsl hope** : Im sorry, she's gone full gay, no one can save her now

**Disaster Lesbian** : and tbh I'm not gonna touch the mess that is the relationships of got

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : everyone's fuckin everyone :-D

**Disaster Lesbian** : but at least I've got Gamantis!!!

**Aizen** : i don't even want to know what Gamantis is

**Trap** : AHHH WE NEED RIN CHAN HE KNOWS HOW TO STOP HER

**Karen** : he's probably sucking face with nitori

**Trap** : YOU ARE NO HELP HARUCHAN

**Karen** : yw

**Disaster Lesbian** : Gamantis is gamora X mantis!!

**Aizen** : i said I don't want to know

**Rei of sunshine** : I'm confused, what are you talking about?

**Disaster Lesbian** : gamora and mantis are the two females of guardians of the Galaxy! Starmora is cute n all but tbh at the end of vol 2 I was kinda hoping gamora and mantis would get together

**Disaster Lesbian** : at least fanfiction exists!!

**Rei of sunshine** : What's fanfiction?

**Trap** : NO

**Disaster Lesbian** : well, you see!

**Trap** : DONT TELL HIM!!

**Trap** : WHERES RIN WHEN YOU NEED HIM

_Sharkboy has logged on_

**Trap** : OUR SAVIOUR

**Trap** : RINCHAN HI HELLO PLEASE MAKE YOUR CRAZY SISTER STOP BEFORE SHE TAINTS REICHSN WITH THE SINFUL KNOWLEDGE OF FANFICTION

**Sharkboy** : what

_Lavagirl has logged on_

**Trap** : PLEASE, YOURE OUR ONLY HOPE

**shsl hope** : I thought I was

**Sharkboy** : ok

**Sharkboy** : Kou, Chigusas been trying to text you for the past 5 minutes. She just texted me now saying she's worried

**Disaster Lesbian** : Wait really??

**Disaster Lesbian** : AHH OH NO

**Disaster Lesbian** : Rei I'll tell you about it later!!

_Disaster Lesbian has logged off_

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : god bless you rin senpai

**Lavagirl** : as kind as always, Rin!! <3

**Trap** : YOU SAVED US FROM THE SHE DEMON

**Sharkboy** : you owe me

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : YES! WERE SORRY FOR SAYING YOU HAVE A MOMMY KINK

**Trap** : WERE SORRY!!!!!!!!!!

**Sharkboy** : jesus

**Karen** : is dead

**Sharkboy** : Shut up Haru

**Karen** : no

**shsl hope** : Haru, no picking fights with Rin. Save it for the pool

**Karen** : we're dismarriaged you can't make me

**Aizen** : what the hell is dismarriaged

**Lavagirl** : It's French for 'over', as in, "this relationship is over!", or "cette relation est dismarriaged!"

**Rei of sunshine** : NO

**Rei of sunshine** : HARU MEANS DIVORCED, HE PUT DIVORCED AND MARRIAGE TOGETHER TO CREATE A WORD LIKE UN-MARRIED, BUT PUT -DIS IN FRONT TO MEAN THAT THEY AREN'T MARRIED ANYMORE. ALSO INSTEAD OF USING MARRIED HE USED MARRIAGED EVEN THOUGH ITS SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIAGE AND EVEN THEN IT'S NOT EVEN CORRECYFH

**Trap** : Butterfly effect done snapped!!!

**shsl hope** : Butterfly effect, I like it

**Aizen** : im surprised you even know what that is, nagisa

**Trap** : (✿≧ڡ≦)

**Lavagirl** : Is Rei okay??

**Trap** : He's crying

**shsl hope** : is he alright?

**Trap** : hmmmmmmmmmm mmmm

**Trap** : yes!

**shsl hope** : That's not reassuring!!

**Aizen** : Sounds pretty reassuring

**Kirishima SEijirou** : Sounds reassuring to me! Rei is a strong swimmer, he'll get through this! I BELIEVE IN HIM

**Momo arigato mr otterbato** : IS HE DYING!?!?

**Karen** : wow i can't believe reis dead

**Sharkboy** : f

**Trap** : f

**shsl hope** : NAGISA THAT IF YIUR BOYFRJEND

**Lavagirl** : I don't think Makoto is alright either

**Aizen** : are they both crying?

**Karen** : yes

**Aizen** : understandable

**shsl hope** : No ones dying!

**shsl hope** : And I'm not crying

**Karen** : you rhymed

**Aizen** : Way to state the obvious

**Karen** : shut up sasuke

**Trap** : oooo sasuke!!! Nice one!!!

_Trap changed Aizen's name to Sasuke Uchiha_

**Trap** : also!!

_Trap changed Momo arigato mr otterbato's name to Sakura Haruno_

**Sharkboy** : weeb

**Sakura Haruno** : but then whos naruto??

**shsl hope** : The only person who I can imagine as naruto on your team is Nitori

**Lavagirl** : :o

**Lavagirl** : Aha I think Nagisa would be better fitting

**Lavagirl** : ahh but he's not on our team...

**Sasuke Uchiha** : also his name is kinda close to naruto uzumaki

**Lavagirl** : Nagisa it is, then!!

**Trap** : yayyy!! (๑˃̵　ᴗ　˂̵)و

_Sakura Haruno changed Trap's name to Naruto Uzumaki_

**Naruto Uzumaki** : thank you kind sir Momo!

**Sakura Haruno** : yw!!

_Naruto Uzumaki changed Rei of sunshine's name to Hinata Hyuuga_

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Why me too?

**Naruto Uzumaki** : because you're like the hinata to my Naruto!!! <3<3

**Hinata Hyuuga** : <3

**shsl hope** : If I were a Naruto character, who would I be?

**Karen** : iruka sensei

**shsl hope** : Thanks Haru!!

**Karen** : :-)

**Sakura Haruno** : that would make haru Kakashi!!

**Lavagirl** : Haru, give us your best Kakashi impression!

**Karen** : maa maa

**Naruto Uzumaki** : 10/10 !!

_Naruto Uzumaki changed shsl hope's name to Iruka Umino_

_Naruto Uzumaki changed Karen's name to Kakashi Hatake_

**Sasuke Uchiha** : now that we're slowly becoming a Naruto cult, Who hasnt been initiated yet?

**Sharkboy** : me, aii, Kou and captain mikoshiba

**Sakura Haruno** : MY BIG BRO IS MIGHT GUY!!!

**Lavagirl** : ooh I agree!!

**Lavagirl** : I'll change it!!

_Lavagirl changed Kirishima SEijirou's name to Might Guy_

**Might Guy** : I WILL CHERISH THE YOUTHFULNESS OF THIS NICKNAME!!

**Iruka Umino** : An exact impression!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : Rin is kushina

**Sharkboy** : OI

**Sasuke Uchiha** : because they both have red hair and the same personality

**Sharkboy** : We do not have the same personality, asshole

**Naruto Uzumaki** : that means you and nitori are my parents!! :))

**Sharkboy** : Hell no

**Naruto Uzumaki** : so mean!!

**Lavagirl** : I want to be fourth hokage!!

_Lavagirl changed their name to Minato Namikaze_

**Sharkboy** : Aii I thought I could trust you

**Minato Namikaze** : sorry babe :'o

**Sharkboy** : wait, aii

**Sharkboy** : don't you dare

_Minato Namikaze changed Sharkboy's name to Kushina Uzumaki_

**Minato Namikaze** : Now all we need to do is change Kou's!

**Kushina Uzumaki** : HEY

**Naruto Uzumak** i: hmmmm what's a good character for gou chan to be??

**Iruka Umino** : I would say Sakura, but that's already taken

**Sakura Haruno** : by me!! :D

**Kakashi Hatake** : tsunade

**Might Guy** : I agree, Tsunade would be a great pick for Gou-kun!

**Sakura Haruno** : yayy!!

_Naruto Uzumaki changed Disaster Lesbian's name to Tsunade_

**Naruto Uzumaki** : good job, haru-chan!! ☆ｄ(≧∀≦)ｂ

**Hinata Hyuuga** : I have only seen the movies of Naruto, but I do find these nicknames very fun!

**Kushina Uzumaki** : You've only ever seen the movies??

**Sasuke Uchiha** : why watch the movies but not the anime??

**Hinata Hyuuga** : I'll admit, the anime seems to be very long! Nagisa got me to watch the first few episodes, but I don't think I'll be able to watch the rest.

**Hinata Hyuuga** : So I watched the movies in hopes if being able to understand the characters better

**Hinata Hyuuga** : They were very beautiful! The backgrounds, the animation! The story! Characters! I enjoyed them very much.

**Sasuke Uchiha** : yes

**Sasuke Uchiha** : very agree

**Kakashi Hatake** : so much agree

**Kushina Uzumaki** : The level of agree is too much to handle

**Naruto Uzumaki** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Sakura Haruno** : ( ͜。 ͡ʖ ͜。)

**Iruka Umino** : Oh!

**Iruka Umino** : Rin, if you don't want to be Kushina, why don't you change it?

**Kushina Uzumaki** : I don't want to be Kushina but aii gave me this nickname

**Kushina Uzumaki** : so back off

**Naruto Uzumaki** : Tsun~

**Naruto Uzumaki** : de~

**Naruto Uzumaki** : re~

**Kushina Uzumaki** : shut the fuck up

**Iruka Umino** : aww :')

**Minato Namikaze** : rin !!! <333

**Kushina Uzumaki** : :/

**Kushina Uzumaki** : <3

**Kakashi Hatake** : so cute

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Die, Haru

**Kakashi Hatake** : not you

**Kakashi Hatake** : you're not cute

**Kushina Uzumaki** : eat sgit

**Kakashi Hatake** : k

**Sasuke Uchiha** : sgit

**Naruto Uzumaki** : sgit

**Hinata Hyuuga** : sgit??

**Might Guy** : Sgit!

**Sakura Haruno** : SGIT

**Kushina Uzumaki** : I'm gonna yeet myself off of a 47 story building

**Naruto Uzumaki** : Don't die!!

**Kushina Uzumaki** : dont tell me what to do

**Minato Namikaze** : noooo rim D:

**Sasuke Uchiha** : rim

**Sasuke Uchiha** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Minato Namikaze** : sousuke senpai!!! Noo!!

**Sakura Haruno** : NASTY

**Naruto Uzumaki** : NO U

**Kakashi Hatake** : rim natsuoka

**Iruka Umino** : We're heading out of pg territory!!

**Kakashi Hatake** : rins created the server, it never was pg

**Kushina Uzumaki** : DIE HARU

**Kakashi Hatake** : maybe later

**Sakura Haruno** : Procrastination at its finest~~

**Might Guy** : Tsk tsk. You should never procrastinate, you all are youthful youngsters who need to live life to its fullest instead of lazing around

**Sasuke Uchiha** : you're really getting into the might guy role huh

**Might Guy** : Yep!

**Iruka Umino** : PLEASE DONT CONDONE DYING, MIKOSHIBA SAN

**Iruka Umino** : AND NO ONE WILL BE DYING IN THIS SERVER

**Kakashi Hatake** : too late

**Iruka Umino** : aasfhh DAMMIT HARU

**Kakashi Hatake** : :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never actually watched game of thrones so idk anything about the relationships in it. From what I've gathered from my mom and brother's conversations about it, the game of thrones wiki and fan articles, everyone is, for some reason and some how, related to eachother. but idk
> 
> Anyways, here's the updated username list  
> Makoto: Iruka Umino  
> Haru: Kakashi Hatake  
> Rin: Kushina Uzumaki  
> Nitori: Minato Namikaze  
> Nagisa: Naruto Uzumaki  
> Rei: Hinata Hyuuga  
> Momo: Sakura Haruno  
> Kou: Tsunade  
> Sousuke: Sasuke Uchiha  
> Seijuurou: Might Guy


	7. LET IT RIP

_Tsunade has logged on_

**Tsunade** : I'm back!!! What's up, gaymers??

**Kakashi Hatake** : the ceiling

**Tsunade** : Wait

**Tsunade** : who are you??

**Kakashi Hatake** : hi

**Kushina Uzumaki** : I'm gonna kick your ass for that shitty joke

**Sakura Haruno** : stop picking fights with himmm :'0

**Kushina Uzumaki** : no he pisses me off

**Tsunade** : I'm so confused, what happened here???

**Naruto Uzumaki** : THE NARUTO CULT!!!

**Tsunade** : The Naruto cult???

**Naruto Uzumaki** : yep!!! o((*^▽^*))o

**Naruto Uzumaki** : @ Sasuke Uchiha is the founder!!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : I am?

**Naruto Uzumaki** : yes!! your name was changed first!!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : oh

**Sasuke Uchiha** : Nice

**Sakura Haruno** : that makes me the co founder!! :)

**Sasuke Uchiha** : :)

**Tsunade** : Whys my name Tsunade?

**Iruka Umino** : Why not?

**Tsunade** : ok...

**Tsunade** : Then who's who??

**Naruto Uzumaki** : I'm Momo!! Hinata Hyuuga is my love Aousuke!!

**Naruto Uzumaki** : Sousuke**!!

**Tsunade** : Why Hinata?

**Naruto Uzumaki** : He's my Hinata to my Naruto!!

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Yes

**Sakura Haruno** : I'm Nagisa!! I'll tell you who everyone is!!

**Sakura Haruno** : Sasuke Uchiha is Reichan, Iruka Umino is capt Mikoshiba, Might Guy is Haruchan!! (because his passion for youth reminds us of Haru with water :D) Kushina Uzumaki is Makochan, Minato Namikaze is Rinchan, and Kakashi is Aiichan!! :))

**Tsunade** : I see. Why are you Kushina, Makoto??

**Kushina Uzumaki** : uh. because Im like everyone's mom??

**Kushina Uzumaki** : I guess?

**Minato Namikaze** : He finally accepted it

**Tsunade** : :o

**Tsunade** : I'm so proud of you :')

**Iruka Umino** : Oh my

**Naruto Uzumaki** : he's everyone's mommy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Minato Namikaze** : Stop with the mommy kink shit, Momo! >:/

**Sakura Haruno** : :O

**Minato Namikaze** : Don't :O me! I swear all the time!

**Tsunade** : Hes right, Rin wouldn't be Rin if he didn't swear

**Minato Namikaze** : Heh!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : I hate this

**Sakura Haruno** : What?? What do you hate? Reichan???

**Sasuke Uchiha** : uh

**Sasuke Uchiha** : The swearing!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : Such foul use of language is very unbeautiful

**Tsunade** : Also Makoto?? Why were you saying you'd kick aiichiro's ass?

**Tsunade** : Makoto??

**Sasuke Uchiha** : @Kushina Uzumaki Makoto?

**Kushina Uzumaki** : OH

**Kushina Uzumaki** : uhh

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Just got a little frustrated there haha!!

**Kakashi Hatake** : nice

**Naruto Uzumaki** : understandable, Momkoto

**Tsunade** : Moms gotta snap sometimes!!

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Haha yeah lol

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Also, Gou?

**Hinata Hyuuga** : If you wanted to know who's who, you could've just scrolled up, yeah?

**Tsunade** : Ya

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Why didn't you?

**Tsunade** : Im too lazy :3

**Sakura Haruno** : me too!!

**Kakashi Hatake** : kin

**Sasuke Uchiha** : No kinking in this house

**Sasuke Uchiha** : *kinning

**Iruka Umino** : No kinking either!

**Might Guy** : Darn :-(

**Sakura Haruno** : AAAAAAAA

**Sakura Haruno** : MY VIRGIN EYES

**Sakura Haruno** : NEVER SAY DARN TO NO KINKING EVER AGAIN

**Minato Namikaze** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Naruto Uzumaki** : hhh

**Naruto Uzumaki** : I've,....,,,been,.,,, tainted......

**Kakashi Hatake** : rip

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Loser

**Minato Namikaze** : Rude!

**Might Guy** : makoto why are you calling Nagisa a loser?

**Kushina Uzumaki** : SHIT

**Tsunade** : ????

**Naruto Uzumaki** : che cosa!?!? What have you done with the real momkoto!!!

**Kakashi Hatake** : oh no

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Creeper Aw man

**Naruto Uzumaki** : ASDFGHGDTGJFDS R E I C H A N

**Minato Namikaze** : Cweeper! Nyaw man!!

**Kushina Uzumaki** : what the fukc

**Sasuke Uchiha** : There will be absolutely no furry speak on this minecraft server

**Minato Namikaze** : *thewe wiww be absowutewy no fuwwy speak on this minecwaft sewvew owo

**Naruto Uzumaki** : PEWISH

**Iruka Umino** : Yamero

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Jesus Christ

**Sasuke Uchiha** : Is Gone

**Tsunade** : Begone, fake Makoto!!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : begone, thot!

**Minato Namikaze** : *yeets fake makoto*

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Oi

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Rude

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Also, MOMO? You know Italian?

**Naruto Uzumaki** : sì, no hablo ingles

**Kushina Uzumaki** : That's Spanish you dumb fuck

**Naruto Uzumaki** : I'm trying mio meglio here :(((

**Might Guy** : you're trying what?

**Naruto Uzumak** i: Mon merde!!（○｀ 3′○）

**Tsunade** : Momo, honey, are you alright?

**Naruto Uzumaki** : y,,

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Speak! Into! The mic!

**Naruto Uzumaki** : Kyaaaa!!!

**Tsunade** : don't bully him, fakekoto!!!

**Kushina Uzumaki** : You're not my mom

**Kushina Uzumaki** : You can't tell me what to do

**Kakashi Hatake** : that's what they want you to think

**Kushina Uzumaki** : tf does that mean

**Might Guy** : who's they?

**Tsunade** : What do you mean, aiichiro????

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Just how long is this going to go for?

**Naruto Uzumaki** : Forever!!!!!!!

**Iruka Umino** : Hopefully not for much longer!

**Tsunade** : How long is what going for???

**Sakura Haruno** : Ya!! What're yall talking about??

**Kakashi Hatake** : nagisa started it

**Naruto Uzumaki** : HEY!!!!

**Naruto Uzumaki** : MOM!!! HARUCHANS TATTLING ON ME!!!

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Get outta here w/ ur weird ass mommy kink

**Iruka Umino** : No kinking!

**Iruka Umino** : and Nagisa, I'd rather we not continue this

**Naruto Uzumaki** : Don't want to continue what???!!? (´；д；`)

**Tsunade** : yall, what's going on??

**Tsunade** : I thought Naruto was Momo and Iruka was Capt Mikoshiba

**Naruto Uzumaki** : you thought it was Momo..... But it was I, DIO!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : Diogisa

**Sakura Haruno** : D I O G I S A

**Sakura Haruno** : OMG BAB E YOURE TGE B E S T AT COMING UP WITH NICKNAMES XDD

_Sakura Haruno changed Naruto Uzumaki's name to Diogisa_

**Diogisa** : Heyyyyyy!!!!!! ònó

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Allow me to explain, Kou. Nagisa and Momo switched everyone's names to Naruto characters.

**Hinata Hyuuga** : I'm Rei Ryuugazaki.

**Minato Namikaze** : I'm Aiichiro!!! Kushina is actually Rin, he was trying to start a fight with Haru senpai (kakashi) earlier lol

**Minato Namikaze** : I'm sure you'll figure out quickly who everyone is

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Just accept the damn fight you coward!!

**Kakashi Hatake** : ok

**Kakashi Hatake** : meet me 10 mins

**Kakashi Hatake** : behind pizza pizza

**Kushina** Uzumaki: oh

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Aight. Let's fuckin go

**Diogisa** : BE THERE OR BE SQUARE YOU TWO!!!!

**Iruka Umino** : I hope you aren't actually going to fight

**Tsunade** : haha hope

**Tsunade** : Makoto Naegi,,,

**Minato Namikaze** : Don't die, Rin!!

K **akashi Hatake** : no promises

**Kushina Uzumaki** : You're going down, swimmer boy

**Sasuke Uchiha** : Aren't we all swimmer boys though

**Might Guy** : Except for Gou-kun, she's the swimmer girl!

**Sakura Haruno** : exactly right, Seijuubro!! and my dear Sasuke!! <3<3

**Diogisa** : He was a skater boy!!! She said see you later boy!!

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Is that another one of your English songs??

**Diogisa** : ( /¯ °3° )/¯

**Hinata Hyuuga** : I don't know what that means

**Iruka Umino** : Nobody does

**Diogisa** : ( ་ ⍸ ་ )

**Kushina Uzumaki** : ANYWAYS

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Let's fucking GO HARU

**Tsunade** : if only this was a love triangle anime and you were fighting over someone's love :((((

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Hell No

**Kakashi Hatake** : wdym loser im already there

**Kushina Uzumaki** : HOW

**Kakashi Hatake** : idk

**Sasuke Uchiha** : it be like that sometimes

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Get your ASS ready for the BEAT DOWN OF THE CENTURY

**Sakura Haruno** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Minato Namikaze** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Diogisa** : (˵ ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°˵)

**Iruka Umino** : Even you, Aiichiro??

**Minato Namikaze** : :^D

**Kushina Uzumaki** : shut the fuck up I didn't mean it that way wtf

**Kushina Uzumaki** : and seriously, Aii???

**Minato Namikaze** : Whaat? I'm sorry!!!

**Minato Namikaze** : I love youuu rinnnnnn

**Kushina Uzumaki** : :/// ily2 asshole

**Kakashi Hatake** : how long are u gonna take

**Kushina Uzumaki** : I'll take as long as I want

_Kakashi Hatake has logged off_

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Bitch

**Diogisa** : I want to watch the fight!!!

**Might Guy** : I'll be there to spectate also!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : everyone gather 'round for the Nanase vs Matsuoka battle

**Sakura Haruno** : HELL YEAH

**Hinata Hyuuga** : I would not suggest you fight! You both could get hurt and in trouble!

**Iruka Umino** : It'll be fine!

**Iruka Umino** : I hope

**Tsunade** : hehe

**Kushina Uzumaki** : WE KNOW

_Kushina Uzumaki has logged off_

**Tsunade** : :-(

**Hinata Hyuuga** : As much as I'd rather be there in person to make sure nothing goes wrong, I am currently doing my homework like a good, honourable student. Please let me know what happens!

**Diogisa** : If you don't tell him what goes on he'll spent the entire night worrying :)

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Of course I will!

**Iruka Umino** : Aww, Rei! :))

**Might Guy** : The two have met up behind Pizza Pizza!

**Diogisa** : It's a face off!!

**Might Guy** : They're not doing anything, just standing there...

**Might Guy** : They both pulled out Beyblades!

**Hinata Hyuuga** : Beyblades!?!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : They're doing a beyblade battle

**Sakura Haruno** : YESSS

**Iruka Umino** : Oh man

**Might Guy** : The stadium has been set down!

**Might Guy** : They've each got their Beyblades, they're setting them down...

**Diogisa** : Wet it wip!!! >:3c

**Might Guy** : The Beyblades are out! They're wrecking havoc like two chaotic tornadoes fighting!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : aw shit I think they just sucked up my house

**Sakura Haruno** : ITS SO MAJESTIC!!

**Sakura Haruno** : ITS LIKE THEYRE DOING ZUKO AND AANGS DRAGON DANCE

**Sasuke Uchiha** : exactly what I was thinking, babe

**Sakura Haruno** : !! <3

**Sasuke Uchiha** : <3

**Might Guy** : They're still spinning!

**Diogisa** : YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY RIGHT ROUND

**Might Guy** : WHATS THIS???

**Iruka Umino** : :o

**Hinata Hyuuga** : What?

**Might Guy** : RIN JUST LOST

**Diogisa** : GASPU

**Minato Namikaze** : Noooo!! Rin!!

**Might Guy** : Do not worry! That was merely 1 round out of 3!

**Minato Namikaze** : Yessss!!! Rin!!!

**Diogisa** : Yiu can do this, Haruchan!! ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ

**Diogisa** : Beat that shark kinny!!

**Might Guy** : THEYRE SPINNING AGAIN!!! Rin switched out some of the components on his beyblade, I don't know what he switched but his seems to be going faster!

**Might Guy** : AND!!

**Hinata Hyuuga** : And??

**Might Guy** : Still spinning! They're clashing a lot

**Iruka Umino** : I'm surprised they're still both holding out

**Might Guy** : Oh???

**Might Guy** : Haru's beyblade is putting up a fierce fight and he's almost got him beat...

**Might Guy** : But!!! Oh!!!?

**Diogisa** : OHOHO!!!!

**Minato Namikaze** : YES!!! RIN KNOCKED HIM DOWN!!

**Might Guy** : Round 2 goes to Rin!

**Hinata Hyuuga** : WHAT

**HInstagram** **Hyuuga** : BLASPHEMY

**Hinata Hyuuga** : IF RIN'S BEYBLADE IS CUSTOMED FOR SPEED, THEN IF HARUKA-SENPAI'S IS EVEN A LITTLE BIT STRONGER, HARUKA-SENPAI SHOULD BE ABLE TO WIN EASILY!!

**Minato Namikaze** : I think they're both build for speed

**Hinata Hyuuga** : HOW UNBEAUTIFUL

**Hinata Hyuuga** : A BATTLE AGAINST TWO AGILE BEYBLADES WOULD HARDLY MAKE AN INTERESTUNG FIGHT

**Diogisa** : Don't worry Reichan!! They're gettin ready to let it rip again so I'll let you know when Haru-chan wins!

**Might Guy** : They've pulled the cords and the Beyblades are off!

**Might Guy** : This is the final round; the one that will tell us who the winner is.....

**Iruka Umino** : Nagisa and Aiichiro are cheering very loudly...

**Might Guy** : They are indeed! But now the Sweepy-Weepy Tornado-wado Spinny-Winny Beyblades are battling yet again!

**Sasuke Uchiha** : Wtf did you just say

**Might Guy** : Determined to be victorious, both Beyblades are clashing into each other, spinning wildly against the stadium!!

**Might Guy** : They're locked in battle!! Spinning against one another, motivated by the stench of their enemy's blood spattering the floor...

**Sasuke Uchiha** : seriously. what the hell am I reading right now?

**Sakura Haruno** : shhh, dear Sousuke. It's best not to question my big bro

**Sasuke Uchiha** : oh ok

**Might Guy** : And Rin's beyblade is the first one to relent! It's spun out on its own and now it's laid unmoving in the ground.

**Might Guy** : But that makes Haru the winner!

**Hinata Hyuuga** : YES.

**Diogisa** : Kyaa! Someone call an ambulance!!!

**Iruka Umino** : Uhh I think that's gonna have to wait

**Sakura Haruno** : :OOO

**Hinata Hyuuga** : What now??

**Iruka Umino** : Rin threw the stadium + the Beyblades inside of it at Haru so he ran off and now Rin's chasing him

**Diogisa** : We're gonna need that ambulance for Haruchan!

_Kakashi Hatake has logged on_

**Kakashi Hatake** : if I die tel batlhasar and dhouhei i love them

_Kakashi Hatake has logged off_

**Tsunade** : RIP

**Sasuke Uchiha** : F

**Sakura Haruno** : f

**Diogisa** : He ll forever be in our hearts :(((

**Might Guy** : What a mably sacrifice...

**Hinata Hyuuga** : DO NOT ACTUALLY START A FIGHT

**Sasuke Uchiha** : those are fighting words

**Hinata Hyuuga** : NO

**Diogisa** : IWATOBI FIGHT CLUB!!!

**Tsunade** : Hell yeah!

**Iruka Umino** : Please no

**Diogisa** : SQUARE UP THOT!!

**Sakura Haruno** : I'm gonna fight that upperclassmen with the bowl haircut!!

**Minato Namikaze** : I hope you don't mean me!??

**Sakura Haruno** : YEAH LETS FRICKIN GO SENPAII

**Minato Namikaze** : ónò

**Sakura Haruno** : Just kidding!! It's a diff person! p:

**Sakura Haruno** : plus I don't want to feel Rin senpais scary wrath!!

**Tsunade** : Rins busy so I'll protect you, Aii!!

**Minato Namikaze** : :o

**Sakura Haruno** : NOOOOOOOOO GOU-SAN WHY HAVE YKU TURNED AGAINST ME

**Tsunade** : >:)c

**Hinata Hyuuga** : This isn't a beautiful topic. Why can't we have normal conversations?

**Iruka Umino** : That's what I ask myself everyday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to thank you all for reading this mess of a story. I'm terribly unfunny but it makes me happy to see people kudosing, commenting or even just viewing this, so thank you.
> 
> Anyways. Everyone in this chapter are still the same as they were when their nicknames changed in the previous one. To avoid confusion, here's the nickname list:  
> Makoto: Iruka Umino  
> Haru: Kakashi Hatake  
> Rin: Kuhina Uzumaki  
> Aiichiro: Minato Namikaze  
> Nagisa: Naruto Uzumaki > Diogisa  
> Rei: Hinata Hyuuga  
> Momo: Sakura Haruno  
> Sousuke: Sasuke Uchiha  
> Seijuurou: Might Guy  
> Kou: Tsunade


	8. i have the power of god and anime on my side

**Diogisa** : I wonder what happened to the "The world is going to end in 2012" thing?

 **Diogisa** : I wonder how everyone thought the world is gonna end?

 **Diogisa** : How is the world gonna end nowadays?

 **Diogisa** : ...probably with a turtle uprising.

 **Diogisa** : The turtles are gonna be angry at us for using plastic straws and they're gonna team up with the vsco girls to revolt against us for killing their brethren

 **Diogisa** : WW3, Turtles & vsco girls vs the rest of the human race

 **Diogisa** : Turtles are cool but the human race seems like it has more of a chance to win

 **Diogisa** : but we suck so idk ┐(￣ー￣)┌

_Kushina Uzumaki has logged on_

**Kushina Uzumaki** : Yo nagisa stfu

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : it's 4am go the fuck to sleep

 **Diogisa** : Rinchan who do you think is gonna win??

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Humans now go to sleep

 **Diogisa** : but vsco girls are human too

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : no they aren't. Do you want me to beat you over the head with a blunt object

 **Diogisa** : yes

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Well im not going to. go to sleep or else I'll spam the pic of Haru t-posing again

 **Diogisa** : NOOOO DONT!!!

 **Diogisa** : he's,,, too intimidating,,, (๑•﹏•)

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : so go to sleep dumbshit

 **Diogisa** : ok :(((

_Diogisa has logged off_

_Kushina Uzumaki has logged off_

_Diogisa has logged on_

**Diogisa** : :)))

 **Diogisa** : Ok so anyways in the hypothetical turtles & vsco girls vs humanity war, the vegans would probably team up with the turtles too, along with ...,.peta...

 **Diogisa** : and the people who own turtles

 **Diogisa** : the turtles have snapping turtles on their side and snapping turtles are super duper scary but humans are even scarier and more stronger so itd be a tough battle!!!

 **Diogisa** : But we'd just have to use plastic as our weapons and we'd win easy peasy!!

 **Diogisa** : SQUARE UP, TURTLES, YALL ARE GOING DOWN!!!

_Minato Namikaze has logged on_

**Minato Namikaze** : NooO!! Don't hurt the turtles, save them!! How dare you use plastic straws!!! skksksksk

 **Diogisa** : GASP

 **Diogisa** : AIICHAN IS A VSCO GIRK!?!?!??

 **Minato Namikaze** : I am!!! Sksksksk we should be using metal straws!! And saving the poor turtles! Don't start a war with them!!

 **Minato Namikaze** : smh Nagisa san I thought you were better than that. So heartless!! sksksksk

 **Diogisa** :（ｉДｉ）

 **Diogisa** : IM SORRY I JUST REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW THE WORLD ENDS!!!!!

 **Minato Namikaze** : No!! You *want* the world to end!! That's what you want sksksskk >:(

 **Diogisa** : nuh uh!!! If the world ended, penguins would die and that would be really sad!!

 **Diogisa** : And reichan!!

 **Minato Namikaze** : you,,, worded that as if he was an afterthought..

 **Diogisa** : never!!! hoes before bros!!

 **Minato Namikaze** : NAGISA,,,,NO,,

 **Diogisa** : JK!! o(≧∇≦o) Reichans not a hoe :)))

 **Diogisa** : he's my hoe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Minato Namikaze** : NAGISA

 **Diogisa** : I kid I kid!! He's only the most purest being in the entire world uwuwu

_Kushina Uzumaki has logged on_

**Diogisa** : oh nu!!!!!

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : NAGISA SHUT UP

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : GO TO SLEEP OR ILL SERIOUSLY BEAT YOUR ASS

 **Diogisa** : kyaa!!!ヽ(illﾟдﾟ)ﾉ

 **Diogisa** : but what about aiichan????

 **Minato Namikaze** : No! Don't throw me under the bus!

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Aii is fine. It's you who's ass I'm about to whoop

 **Diogisa** : NOOO!!! MOMKOTO HELP!!!

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : There's no way in hell hes up this late

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : So you're on your own BITCH

 **Diogisa** : h

 **Diogisa** : yeet

_Diogisa has logged off_

**Minato Namikaze** : Don't be too rough with him, Rin!!

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : no promises

_Kushina Uzumaki has logged off_

**Minato Namikaze** : aha

 **Kakashi Hatake** : why does rin have pics of me t posing

 **Minato Namikaze** : OH

 **Minato Namikaze** : G

 **Minato Namikaze** : GOOD MORNING HARUKA SAN I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE ONLINE

 **Kakashi Hatake** : hi

 **Minato Namikaze** : They're actually normal photos he took of you and edited so that it looks like you're t-posing!!

 **Kakashi Hatake** : i see

 **Minato Namikaze** : You aren't

 **Minato Namikaze** : uh

 **Minato Namikaze** : concerned? Or. angry??

 **Kakashi Hatake** : no

 **Minato Namikaze** : oh okay ;;

 **Kakashi Hatake** : he can just ask me 2 t pose

 **Kakashi Hatake** : if theyre for spooking nagisa them im 4 it

 **Minato Namikaze** : I feel like your typing keeps getting worse and worse

 **Kakashi Hatake** : maybe

 **Kakashi Hatake** : well see

 **Minato Namikaze** : ???

_Sakura Haruno has logged on_

**Sakura Haruno** : OK BUT LIKE CAN WE TALK ABOUT NAGISAS """HYPOTHETICAL"""" TURTLE WAR PLS

 **Minato Namikaze** : Why did you put so many quotation marks??

 **Sakura Haruno** : HEAR ME OUT

 **Sakura Haruno** : THOSE TURTLES ARE IN THE WRONG

 **Sakura Haruno** : THEY WIULDNT BE DYING IF THEY WERENT SUCH BASTARDS WITH DUMB KID VIBES AND ATE EVERYTHING THEY SEE

 **Sakura Haruno** : GETTING US TO STOP USING PLASTIC STRAWS IS THEIR PLAN, TURTLES HAVE SECRETLY BECOME SENTIENT AND AWARE AND NOW THEYRE PURPOSELY EATING PLASTIC STRAWS SO THAT THEY CAN START A WAR BETWEEN THEM AND HUMANS SO THAT TURTLES CAN MAKE HUMANS UNDERESTIMATE THEM, ONLY FOR THE TURTLES TO WHIP OUT THEIR ADVANCED AI NANOTECH SOLAR POWERED BIODEGRADABLE ECO FRIENDLY CHILDSAFE NUKES AND TAKE OUTTHE HUMAN RACE, THUS MAKING THEM THE MOST POWERFUL AND ALLMIGHTY SPECIES ABD ALLOWING THEM TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH AS THE NEW TOP DOG RULERS OF THE FOOD CHAIN WITHOUT THE WORRY OF FILTHY HUMANS POLLUTING THE EARTH AND KILLING EVERYTHING AND CAUSING DESTRUCTION

 **Kakashi Hatake** : interesting

 **Minato Namikaze** : You've,,,been spending too much time with your boyfriend

 **Sakura Haruno** : THIS IS WHAT TURTLES HAVE BEEN P L A N N I N G FOR!!!

 **Minato Namikaze** : @Sasuke Uchiha Come get your man

 **Kakashi Hatake** : no let him speak

 **Sakura Haruno** : THANK YOU HARUKA SENPAI!!!

 **Sakura Haruno** : YOU SEE-- TURTLES WANT TO RULE OVER EARTH!! THOSE GREEDY BASTARDS ARE TIRED OF BEING LIMITED TO LIVING IN THE WATER (THATS WHY THEYRE SLOWLY MAKING THEIR WAY ONTO THE LAND!!!) AND SINCE HUMANS INHABITE LIKE 70% OR SMTH OF THE WORLD, THEY DECIDED THAT THE BEST WAY WOULD BE TO GET RID OF THE SPECIES WITH THE BIGGEST TERRITORY

 **Minato Namikaze** : Momo I'm begging you to stop

 **Sakura Haruno** : SO BY GAINING THE VSCO GIRLS AS ALLIES, THEY HAVE A HIGHER CHANCE OF WINNING, BY PITTING THE SAME SPECIES AGAINST ONE ANOTHER, AND THEN WHEN THE VSCO GIRLS AND NORMAL PEOPLE HAVE FOUGHT, THE TURTLES WILL TAKE OUT THE REST EASY PEASY!!

 **Minato Namikaze** : @Sasuke Uchiha Sousuke please, spare us from your bf's conspiracies

 **Sakura Haruno** : AND AFTER WE'RE ALL WIPED OUT, THE TURTLES WILL BE HAILED AS THE SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD AND ALL THE OTHR ANIMALS WILL BOW DOWN TO TURTLES AND ACCEPT THEM AS THEIR NEWFOUND ANIMAL GODS AND TH TURTLES WILL HAVE REIGN OVER THE EARTH AND NOW ANIMALS WILL BE THE ONLY THINGS ON EARTH AND IT WILL BE SAVED BECAUSE WE'RE NO LONGER AROUND TO KILL IT

 **Sakura Haruno** : BUT ITLL ALREADY BE TOO LATE

 **Kakashi Hatake** : why

 **Sakura Haruno** : BECAUSE THE WORLD IS ALREADY MIDWAY TO ACTUALLY DYING AND SINCE ANUMALS ARE DUMB, THEY WONT KNOW HIW TO FIX IT AND SINCE THERES NO ONE TO PICK UP TRASH AND TO TURN OFF CARS AND STOVES AND TO STOP CARBON DIOXIDE FROM KILLING THE ATMOSPHERE, THE WORLD WILL END UP DYING THANKS TO THE VERY GODS THAT ATTEMPTED TO SAVE IT

 **Sakura Haruno** : and that ends my ted talks!!

 **Kakashi Hatake** : question

 **Kakashi Hatake** : did turtles take over the land

 **Sakura Haruno** : Yes!!

 **Kakashi Hatake** : that means the ocean will be free

 **Sakura Haruno** : Yep!!

 **Kakashi Hatake** : nice

 **Kakashi Hatake** : can't wait

 **Minato Namikaze** : NO

 **Minato Namikaze** : DO NOT CONDONE THE WORLD BEING TAKEN OVER BY TURTLES AND THEN ENDING

 **Kakashi Hatake** : but ill get to swim in the ocean

_Sasuke Uchiha has logged on_

**Minato Namikaze** : FINALLY

 **Minato Namikaze** : A beacon of light in the darkness!!

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : I agree, swimming in the ocean would be cool

 **Minato Namikaze** : betrayal

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : Love your ideas momo

 **Sakura Haruno** : :) <3

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : :)

_Iruka Umino has logged on_

**Kakashi Hatake** : hi makoto

 **Iruka Umino** : Hi Haru!!

 **Iruka Umino** : anyways You guys! It's 5 am!! Go to sleep!!

 **Sakura Haruno** : o shit its already been 1 hour??

_Diogisa has logged on_

**Diogisa** : MOE MOE MOMO-CHAN!!!

 **Sakura Haruno** : SIR TRAPMAN NAGISA!!!

 **Diogisa** : THANK YOU FOR EXPANDING MY THESIS!!! IT IS A WELCOMED ADDITION!!

 **Sakura Haruno** : THANK U!!! YOUR WELCOMING OF MY ADDITION IS WELCOMED BY MYSELF!!!

 **Diogisa** : YOUR WELCOMING OF MY WELCOMING OF YOUR ADDITION TO MY THESIS IS WELCOMED!!!!

 **Sakura Haruno** : YOUR WELCOMING OF MY WELCOMING OF YOUR WELCOMING OF MY ADDITION TO YOUR THESIS IS WELCOMED!!!!!

 **Iruka Umino** : Guys!!

 **Minato Namikaze** : hhh,,,

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : the bottoms are bonding

 **Kakashi Hatake** : you should join them too aiichiro

 **Minato Namikaze** : Shut!!!!

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : the same goes for you, Haru

 **Diogisa** : He got you there, haru-chan!! ヽ（´∀｀）ノ

 **Kakashi Hatake** : im not the bottom tho

 **Sakura Haruno** : ooooooo

 **Iruka Umino** : HARU

 **Kakashi Hatake** : oops

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : This just in: Makoto Tachibana found dead in miami

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : cause of death: embarrassment thanks to a roast unintentionally delivered by his own boyfriend

 **Diogisa** : Yes, excuse me police, this man right here. He was the one who killed Momkoto

 **Sakura Haruno** : @Kushina Uzumaki

_Kushina Uzumaki has logged on_

**Kushina Uzumaki** : What do you fuckers want

 **Diogisa** : Arrest haruchan

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : With Fuckin Pleasure

 **Kakashi Hatake** : kinky

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : stfu

 **Diogisa** : yay he's not threatening to beat me up anymore :)

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : I can seriously fuckin beat u up if you really want me to

 **Minato Namikaze** : babe why did you use two different yous?

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Because

 **Minato Namikaze** : Ok

 **Minato Namikaze** : Why'd you stop yelling at everyone to go to bed?

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Because everyone here is a hopeless case

 **Iruka Umino** : there's still a tiny bit of hope in my heart that they'll go to sleep soon

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : funny joke Makoto :-)

 **Diogisa** : Didnt know u were such a comedian :))))

 **Sakura Haruno** : Laughing Emoji you have too much faith in us

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Did you just type out laughing emoji??

 **Sakura Haruno** : ya I did

 **Minato Namikaze** : tbh Don't know why I expected Nagisa to actually go to sleep

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : same :/

 **Iruka Umino** : I can't even argue with you guys

 **Diogisa** : ily2 momkoto :)

 **Iruka Umino** : Perish, forsaken child of mine

 **Diogisa** : (*´；ェ；`*)

 **Diogisa** : Daddd, Makotochans being mean :(((

 **Minato Namikaze** : Who is dad??

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : who is dad?

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : don't you mean

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : who is daddy?

 **Sakura Haruno** : it's you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Diogisa** : GROSS!!!! DISGUSTING!!! REVOLTING!!!! SOUSUKE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE MY DADDY!!!

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : rude

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Seriously, who the hell is the dad

 **Sakura Haruno** : dy

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : No

 **Diogisa** : that position is taken by Reichan, he is my daddy!! :)

 **Diogisa** : but my dad is haru-chan uwu

 **Minato Namikaze** : he pulled out the uwu,,,

 **Minato Namikaze** : he's serious about it!!

 **Kakashi Hatake** : why am i ur dad

 **Diogisa** : if momkoto is our mom, you're the dad !!

 **Kakashi Hatake** : ok

 **Kakashi Hatake** : guess i gotta go out to buy cigarettes now

 **Diogisa** : NO DAD DONT LEAVE

 **Diogisa** : YOU JUST CAME BACK!!! AFTER 15 YEARS!!

 **Kakashi Hatake** : sorry champ im headin out

 **Diogisa** : WHY DAD!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LEAVE!!!

 **Diogisa** : WHY DO YOU NEVER STAY??? IS IT BECAUSE IM WEAK?? THAT IM NKT YOUR OERFECT SON???

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : damn, this is hitting hard

 **Kakashi Hatake** : no son

 **Kakashi Hatake** : its so you can grow stronger

 **Kakashi Hatake** : so that when the time comes that the ones you love die, you won't break

 **Kakashi Hatake** : its so that when you hit rock bottom, there will always be the belief in ur heart that i will come back; that everything will be ok

 **Diogisa** : dad,,, ily,,

 **Kakashi Hatake** : ok son

 **Kakashi Hatake** : imma head out now

 **Sakura Haruno** : Im crying so hard rn

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : can confirm

 **Diogisa** : I'll be waiting for you, dad :)

 **Kakashi Hatake** : ik u will

 **Kakashi Hatake** : *dies*

 **Minato Namikaze** : RIP

 **Diogisa** : (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : I feel like this is a personal attack fuck you guys

 **Kakashi Hatake** : no and u too u fuck

 **Iruka Umino** : This is so sad, Alexa play despacito

 **Sakura Haruno** : That meme is DEAD!!!

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : just like Haru

 **Diogisa** : DONT REMIND ME

 **Iruka Umino** : oop

 **Minato Namikaze** : RIP Haruka Nanase, the typical dad. He will always be in all of our hearts

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : wdym all, rin doesn't have one

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : FUCKING FUGHT ME YIU EMO CHODE

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : Try me, shark boy

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : you lost to Haru at Beyblades do you really think you can throw down with me and win?

 **Diogisa** : OOOOOOO

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Hell yeah dumbshit

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : God themself tried to strike me down; I injured my shoulder but I came back, like hell I'd let that bitch ruin my ability to swim. I punched God right in the face, with a right hook directly under the jaw, and spat on them while they were writhing on the ground like a pitiful upturned beetle. Then I grabbed that bastard by their shirt collar, brandishing my calloused first to their already tear-stained face and, as intensely and as threateningly as I could, I swore to them that if they ever tried that again— tried striking me down or tried knocking me out of the swimming game or tried to even exterminate me— I'd beat them senseless, until they were a broken, bloodied mess on the floor, unable to move or speak. I'd beat their ass so far into the ground they'd be stuck forever in hell, burning in eternal damnation for their pathetic attempt to bring me down. And like the coward they always were, God was thoroughly intimidated and told me themself that they would leave me alone. They then ran off, right after pissing their pants out of fear.

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : So, bitch, if you don't think I can beat your ass, if you think you're physically stronger than me, just remember that even God is terrified of me. I made God piss themself just by holding a fist to their face and staring them straight in the eye

 **Sasuke Uchiha** : Don't test me, punk. Because I Will do the same thing to you that undid to God, but way Way worse. I'll make you beg for mercy, beg for your feeble life, I'll make you cry until your tears are blood. You won't stand a chance against my immense prowess. I've had 8 years of military training and I've used a katana all my life, I know how to make your death look like an accident. I wouldn't suggest getting on my bad side, because when you do, there'll be no going back.

 **Sakura Haruno** : look at my man go :)

 **Kushina Uzumaki** : Wtf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothin wrong w/ bein a vsco girl. if u wanna wear scrunchies n save the environment and the turtles n drink water form hydroflasks then u do u girl


	9. it's chrismin time

**Sakura Haruno** : CHRIMIS CHRIMIS CRIMIS CHRIMIS CRIMIS CRIMIS CRIMIS CRIMIS CRIMIS CHRIMIS CRIMIS CRIMIS !!!!

**Sakura Haruno** : ITS FINALLY CRIMBO MONTH!!!

**Diogisa** : merry chrysler!!!

**Minato Namikaze** : Merry crisis everyone!!!

**Hinata Hyuuga** : But it's only the start of December?

**Sasuke Uchiha** : time is relative

**Diogisa** : It may be the start of Dec, reichan, but every day is Crismun in my heart!! 

**Tsunade** : That reminds me!!!

**Tsunade** : Christen names!!

_Tsunade changed Hinata Hyuuga's name to Reindeer_

**Reindeer** : Why a reindeer?

**Diogisa** : Because!! REIndeer !!!

**Tsunade** : yes!!!

**Reindeer** : Oh, nice! Another pun name!

**Diogisa** : ya!! 

_Tsunade changed Kushina Uzumaki's name to Chrinsmas_

**Chrinsmas** : Thanks i hate it

**Tsunade** : ily2 bröther

**Tsunade** : OH!!! Sudden idea!!

**Diogisa** : owo?

_Tsunade changed Diogisa's name to Baby Jesus_

_Tsunade changed Iruka Umino's name to Virgin Mary_

_Tsunade changed Kakashi Hatake's name to Joseph_

**Baby Jesus** : heck yeah!!!! IM BABY JESUS!!!!!!!

**Virgin Mary** : ...

**Joseph** : you forgot joestar

**Tsunade** : Why would I add Joestar???

**Joseph** : just joseph is boring

**Tsunade** : Joseph Joestar isn't charity-ish tho

**Joseph** : please

**Tsunade** : no!

**Joseph** : how about

_Joseph changed their name to Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat_

**Minato Namikaze** : I mean... It IS crimson-y now?

**Tsunade** : Ok damn, fine

**Sasuke Uchiha** : can you change my name too?

**Tsunade** : ofc sweetie!!!

_Tsunade changed Sasuke Uchiha's name to Ho ho hoe_

**Ho ho hoe** : hey

**Tsunade** : you asked me to change your name :)

**Ho ho hoe** : :|

**Might Guy** : Change my name too Gou-kun!!!

**Tsunade** : Hmmm,, idk any good names for you, Mikoshiba san!!

**Might Guy** : That's fine!! Take your time!

**Tsunade** : oh!!

**Tsunade** : ik now!!!

_Tsunade changed Might Guy's name to Sleighjuurou_

**Sleighjuurou** : Brilliant as always, Gou kun!

**Sakura Haruno** : ME NEXT ME NEXT!!!

_Tsunade changed Sakura Haruno's name to Star on top of the tree_

**Star on top of the tre** e: !!! :D

**Tsunade** : <3

**Tsunade** : and also!!!

_Tsunade changed Minato Namikaze's name to Honestly a gift_

**Honestly a gift** : Noooo Kou!!

**Tsunade** : yesss aii!!

**Tsunade** : You're a gift for keeping my dumb brother in check!! <3

**Chrinsmas** : HEY

**Honestly a gift** : asfgfshj,, <3<3

**Tsunade** : <333

**Virgin Mary** : What about your name change, Kou?

**Tsunade** : dw, I got it

_Tsunade changed their name to Santa's bitch_

**Virgin Mary** : oh??

**Honestly a gift** : KOU,, NO,,,

**Baby Jesus** : GOU CHAN YES

**Ho ho hoe** : chigusas apparently santa now

**Santa's bitch** : stfu hoesuke >:|

**Ho ho hoe** : no u

**Star on top of the tree** : don't call my bf a hoe!!!

**Star on top of the tree** : he may be a hoe but he's my hoe, not urs :)

**Santa's bitch** : Ok, bottom

**Star on top of the tree** : ònó I am not a bottom !!

_Honestly a gift changed Star on top of the tree's name to Star on bottom of the tree_

**Honestly a gift** : :)c

**Star on bottom of the tree** : STOP BULLYING ME!!!

**Star on bottom of the tre** e: THIS IS HARRASSMENT!!!!!

**Star on bottom of the tree** : HOMOPHOBIA!!!

**Honestly a gift** : Wouldn't it be momophobia...?

**Virgin Mary** : asdfgds

**Santa's bitch** : MOMOPHOBIA HHSDGDASASDF

**Star on bottom of the tree** : I thought I could trust you, Aii senpai!!!

**Star on bottom of the tree** : Us shoutas gotta stick together,,,,

**Star on bottom of the tree** : But now you've betrayed me??? smh I can only trust Nagisa now,,

**Baby Jesus** :（˶′◡‵˶）

**Honestly a gift** : No,, Momo,,,, D:

**Star on bottom of the tree** : I'm sorry, Aii. it's not you, it's me :'o

**Star on bottom of the tree** : actually it is you and your HOMOPHOBIA!!!!!!

**Honestly a gift** : But it's Crusty!! Are we really gonna split on a holiday??

**Ho ho hoe** : how intense.

**Star on bottom of the tree** : SHHH SOUSUKE BABE

**Star on bottom of the tree** : !! IM KICKING YOU OUT OF THE SHOUTA SQUAD, AII

**Star on bottom of the tree** : AND THE BOTTOM BUDS

**Star on bottom of the tree** : YOU ARE HEREBYE BANISHED!!!

**Baby Jesus** : does that mean aiichan is a top now???

**Chrinsmas** : Why are we talking about this

**Reindeer** : I agree

**Santa's bitch** : be quiet, new bottom Rin

**Honestly a gift** : this new power..... The strength of now being a full fledged Top..... I feel it coursing through my veins

**Chrinsmas** : bitch wtf

**Chrinsmas** : You aren't a top

**Virgin Mary** : You guys, please stop talking about this

**Virgin Mary** : It's making me uncomfy

**Sleighjuurou** : That's not good!!

**Santa's bitch** : Oh right, I forgot that you're The virgin mary lol

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : but he isnt tho

**Virgin Mary** : HARU PLEASE STOP TALKING

**Baby Jesus** : HFSFSDDSSFG

**Reindeer** : This is hardly an appropriate conversation topic!

**Reindeer** : I suggest we continue conversing about Christmas-related things!

**Santa's bitch** : what's this...... "Christmas" thing you talk about???

**Ho ho hoe** : yea man. do you mean Cruster?

**Reindeer** : I mean the holiday that everyone's nicknames are named after!

**Baby Jesus** : ily but get w/ the times reichan!!

**Baby Jesus** : we don't celebrate """christmas""" here!! nuh uh!!!

**Baby Jesus** : we celebrate Crikey!

**Reindeer** : ????

**Sleighjuurou** : Ryuugazaki!!! Do you not know what Chisel is???

**Reindeer** : Yes, I know what chiseling is. I just don't know what you're bringing it up when we're talking about Christmas. And what on earth is Crikey, Nagisa?

**Ho ho hoe** : crikey mate

**Star on bottom of the tre** e: It's only the bestest holiday!

**Honestly a gift** : I agree :)

**Honestly a gift** : I love giving presents to everyone!!

**Baby Jesus** : i love receiving them :))))c

**Reindeer** : isn't that just Christmas??

**Santa's bitch** : smh Rei, we don't know what """""Christmas""""" is, we only celebrate Charisma

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : i love chromolithograph

**Virgin Mary** : me too Haru!!! I hope you will like what I got you!

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : ofc i will

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : :)

**Virgin Mary** : :)

**Santa's bitch** : THATS SO ADORABLE

**Baby Jesus** : no!!! Me and reichan are!!

**Ho ho hoe** : you're literally bullying him by pretending you don't know what Chrysanthemum is

**Baby Jesus** : nuh uh!!!

**Reindeer** : Nagisa?? What's going on??

**Baby Jesus** : nothing babye!!!! I just wanna spend Chrome with you!!

**Reindeer** : Do you mean Christmas? Because if so, I'd like to spend Christmas with you too.

**Baby Jesus** : EEEEEEEE (〃艸〃)♡♡

**Chrinsmas** : Fuck off Nagisa, Aii and I are the most adorable couple

**Honestly a gift** : !! aww !!!!!

**Star on bottom of the tree** : NO ME AND SOUSUKE ARE!!!!!!!!

**Santa's bitch** : CUTEST COUPLE WAR!!!!

**Santa's bitch** : ME AND CHIGUSA ARE DEFINITELY THE WINNERS!

**Sleighjuurou** : Aw man, I don't get to participate! I'm still single,,

**Sleighjuurou** : But that's fine!!! I can be the judge :D

**Santa's bitch** : Thank you, capt. Mikoshiba!! You're such a sweetheart!

**Sleighjuurou** : Thank you, Gou-kun!! It's no problem, honestly!

**Ho ho hoe** : Your noble sacrifice will not be in vain

**Baby Jesus** : tbh yall,,

**Baby Jesus** : Capt mikoshiba is cutest of us all

**Star on bottom of the tree** : how ??? He is all MUSCLEY and he is DUMB!!! AND OLD!!!!!

**Santa's bitch** : You're just biased bcuz he's your bröther

**Ho ho hoe** : Momo babe, that's the judge you're insulting

**Star on bottom of the tree** : AH

**Star on bottom of the tree** : BIG BRO IM SORRY PLS DONT DISQUALIFY US

**Sleighjuurou** : I won't!

**Sleighjuurou** : For now

**Santa's bitch** : OOO cryptic, i likey.

**Santa's bitch** : Oh right!!!

**Santa's bitch** : HEY YALL, I BET I CAN GET MY GF THE BESTEST BIGGEST PRESENT

**Baby Jesus** : !!!!!!! NUH UH IM GONNA BUY SOMETHING FOR REICHAN THAT IS SOOO BIG THAT IT WILL MAKE ME GO INTO D E B T WITH HOW BIG IT IS

**Baby Jesus** : AND I'VE GOT A WHOLE 300 YEN IN MY POCKET

**Star on bottom of the tre** e: HAHA BROKE LOSER, YOURE GONNA BE LEFT IN THE DUST WITH HOW ABSOLUTELY R I C H I AM

**Star on bottom of the tree** : IVE BEEN SAVING UP MY ALLOWANCES AND NEW YEARS MONEY FOR A WHOLE 2 MONTHS

**Virgin Mary** : How'd you save up New Years money for two months if it's December??

**Star on bottom of the tree** : yes

**Virgin Mary** : ok

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : back off crackheads im gonna win this

**Ho ho hoe** : Momo says hes gonna win, but realistically?? he's gonna be the one swooning from how much he loves the present I'm getting him

**Star on bottom of the tree** : HOPE ITS UR BIG, HUGE

**Reindeer** : Whatever you're going to say next, don't say it!

**Star on bottom of the tree** : love for me, because tbh that's all I really want from you :))

**Ho ho hoe** : but bro.....youve already got that

**Star on bottom of the tree** : bro..... 😳

**Santa's bitch** : ummm that's cute and all but ya girl's already at the mall

**Santa's Bitch** : I'm def gonna win this :*

**Honestly a gift** : Sorry Kou, but nuh uh!!

**Reindeer** : I must admit, I'm interested in this little competition! I would like it to be heard that I won't back down and that I will definitely get my boyfriend the best gift.

**Baby Jesus** : AWWWW REI-CHAN!!!! (ノ▽〃)

**Star on bottom of the tree** : I'm Z O O M I N G my way to the store

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : nyoom

**Ho ho hoe** : nyowom

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : no

**Ho ho hoe** : my fwiends!!! Wets nyowom ovew to the stowe to buy ouw significant othews cute and coow howiday gifts that wiww show them juwst how much we wuv and appweciate them! >w<

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : stop

**Baby Jesus** : that souwnds wikea good pwan, souwsuke!! I know just what to get my amwazing boyfwiend, Wei-chan! And I wiww awso get gifts fow aww of my fwiends, too, becauwse i wuv and cawe fow each and evewy wun of them!!! X3

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : stop it

**Ho ho hoe** : that souwnds wike a goowd idea!! I wiww awso get my fwiends pwesents. I dowsnt mattew if im bwoke ow nowt, the amownt of wuv I have fow my fwiends and boyfwiend is wowth mowe than money wiww evew be wowth in my heawt

**Virgin Mary** : I agwee, it wouwd be nice to weceive a nice pwesent from my weawwy nice fwiends and I wouwd weawwy enjwoy giviwng you aww and my bf some gifts that I bowght uwu

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : what the heck makoto

**Star on bottom of the tree** : I hate to break this tender moment, but I think Kou won :000

**Honestly a gift** : oh??

**Baby Jesus** : NANI

**Baby Jesus** : WHATD DHE GET

**Ho ho hoe** : oh yeah, I see her. my gift definitely pales in comparison to what she got lol

**Virgin Mary** : What is it?

**Reindeer** : Yes, I would very much like to know!

**Star on bottom of the tree** : A GIANT ASS B E A R

**Star on bottom of the tree** : A GIANT TEDDY BEAR THATS LIKE 7 FEET TALL

**Baby Jesus** : oh my g oddtsrdasde,,

**Santa's bitch** : SOMEBODY GET RIN OVER HERE ASFDGADSAF I CAN BARELY CARRY IT

**Santa's bitch** : EVEN WITH SOUSUKE AND MOMOS HELP

**Chrinsmas** : Jesus Christ. Did you really have to go all out??

**Santa's bitch** : Y E S

**Santa's bitch** : THIS IS MINE AND CHIGUSAS FURST CROISSANT TOGETHER AS GFS I NEED TO IMPRESS HER !!

**Chrinsmas** : Ok, I'll be there 5 mins, i think I know where yall guys are

**Star on bottom of the tree** : OUR SAVIOUR

**Virgin Mary** : Good brother Rin :)

**Baby Jesus** : dang, need me some fanfics with good brö rin :)c

**Honestly a gift** : Rin Matsuoka is a Good Bro

**Honestly a gift** : (and boyfriend)

**Baby Jesus** : A 134k word fanfiction of 52 chapters with just pure Good Bro Rin

**Honestly a gift** : Rating: G, Warnings: None, Characters: Rin Matsuoka, Relationships: Rin Matsuoka & Everyone

**Baby Jesus** : except Haru lol

**Honestly a gift** : asdf,, yes lol except haru

**Baby Jesus: Tags** : Rin Matsuoka is a Good Bro. Summary: Rin is a good bro

**Honestly a gift** : title? Rin is a Good Bro and bf 

**Baby Jesus** : I would read that

**Honestly a gift** : Same!!

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : stories based off this one: rin isnt a good bro

**Baby Jesus** : 0 VIEWS !!!

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : no

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa hat** : 100000000000 views

**Joseph Joestar in a Santa ha** t: rin sucks

**Chrinsmas** : and you swallow

**Honestly a gift** : Rin.....babe......

**Chrinsmas** : What??

**Honestly a gift** : ......,......nvm,,,,

**Baby Jesus** : HAHAHA RIN IS 12 YRS OLD!!!!

**Chrinsmas** : Thought you guys were waxing poetic about reading a fanfic about me bein a good bro??? Now you're bullying me?? You wanna fight, Nagisa????

**Baby Jesus** : always!!!

**Honestly a gift** : A. Anyways. Did you guys get the bear safely to your house?

**Chrinsmas** : Yep. Taxi driver wasn't happy but now the bear is safely secured inside of Kou's closet

**Honestly a gift** : That's good!

**Virgin Mary** : Whats he doing there!!

**Virgin Mary** : you guys,, whenever it decides to come out, you gotta be accepting of it, ok? :(

**Chrinsmas** : What???? That's literally the only place it'll fit

**Baby Jesus** : I will always love you for who you are, teddy bear-chan!!!

**Santa's bitch** : dw momkoto, we'll love and support them no matter what :'))))

**Star on bottom of the tree** : I love the lgbtq+ teddy child :'D I'm a proud uncle!!!

**Chrinsmas** : Yeah yeah same w/e anyways im off

**Honestly a gift** : Aww, I cant wait until Chigusa sees your guys's giant bear child.

**Honestly a gift** : we'll be waiting with open arms for it to come out :>

**Santa's bitch** : :')c

**Santa's bitch** : i love our little dumb, gay family <3


End file.
